When was the last time you had one hour of uninterrupted time to yourself?
And not the hour before midnight, when you know you should be sleeping but can’t stop scrolling on your phone because you’re too tired to wash your face. (I get you.)
I’m talking about one GLORIOUS hour where you can do whatever pandemic-friendly activity your heart desires!
One PRECIOUS hour where you can read a book, take a long walk, go for a dive with the windows down, or toss a blanket under the shade of a tree and watch the clouds like a 6-year-old.
If you’re like almost any woman I know right now, it’s been TOO. LONG.
Is Alone Time Like Oxygen for You?
The other day on Instagram, I mentioned that I’d recently been reminded that alone time is oxygen for me—and I can’t keep getting by on so little.
SO many of you wrote in saying you’re feeling exactly the same way but that you can’t see how to get that time… or you feel selfish for taking it at all.
This is my response to that:
For some people and at some stages in their life, alone time is NICE to have. Even extroverts, who get their energy from interacting with people, need some time for introspection.
Other people, at some stages of their lives, need alone time like they need air to breathe. Going without feels like suffocating.
If you relate to the latter, please hear me when I say there’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not a “bad mom” or a “bad wife” for needing time away.
This is just your wiring. It’s a need to be met—just like your need for the food that gives you energy and the air that gives you breath.
It’s not selfish to breathe air, even if in theory it means there’s less to go around.
Your family doesn’t need an empty vessel any more than you want to live your life feeling like one.
And your needs are just as deserving as anyone else’s. (Even the needs of your spouse and kids.)
{Related: 7 Days to THRIVING as an Introverted Mom}
But How? 3 Keys to Getting the Alone Time You Need
The question, then, is how. How do you get away from your kids when they’re with you ALL the time? Where do you go when everything is closed? (Thanks a lot, Covid.) And how do you spare even an hour when your plate has never felt so full?
The first key is deciding that your needs really ARE deserving and that you’re the best person to meet them. I love this quote from Maya Angelou —
“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side.”
The second key is believing in the value of time to yourself. It’s trusting that an hour away is actually more productive than an hour spent on email or housework. Your brain NEEDS time to step back, time to wander; that’s when the subconscious gets creative and solves the problems in your life.
The third is simply challenging yourself to get creative. If you keep telling yourself it’s impossible to get away, it will be. But if you stretch your mind and think outside the box, I believe solutions are there.
9 Creative Ways to Get Alone Time as a Mom (Even During a Pandemic)
1. Ask a loved one if he or she would like to FaceTime your child once a week.
A grandparent could read to or just chat with your kid—giving you a bit of time to yourself.
2. Set up “invitations to play.”
Spark their imaginations by setting out an unexpected combination of toys in an unexpected place, like play food and dishes arranged on a blanket for a teddy-bear picnic. Creative play for them, a bit of peace for you!
3. Create your own personal sanctuary and let everyone in your household know what it means when you go there.
A reader named Jill shared this brilliant idea:
“When I sit on the back porch alone, the fam knows it’s in their best interest to leave me out there alone. I just listen to the birds, watch the sky, or meditate, but it’s life-saving for them and me both!”
4. Institute quiet time as soon as your kids give up naps!
I rode the nap train for as long as I possible could—AND THEN hung on for even longer by transitioning to quiet time. 🙂 A key tool for me was using the nap feature on an OK to Wake clock. When the light turns green, kid can come out of the bedroom! You can start by setting the timer for a small amount of time and then build from there.
5. Let go of your guilt about letting the kids do some screen time, but…
…Be sure to use that time to restore yourself, instead of crunching to-do’s or zoning out in a way that doesn’t fill you up.
6. Examine your fringe hours.
Could you get up half an hour earlier or block out an hour of intentional “me time” after the kids are in bed? Could you sneak away to a coffee shop with outdoor seating early every Saturday morning before the family is really stirring? Look closely at your week and see if you can better use the small chunks of time on the fringes.
7. Ask for help.
If you feel comfortable during this pandemic year, you could ask your parents if they could watch your kids for a few hours (on a regular basis if possible!), or ask a friend in your pandemic bubble if she wants to arrange a regular childcare swap.
8. Start a rotating parent’s night out with your spouse.
One night a week, he’s in charge of dinner and bedtime and you’re free to do whatever you’d like. The next week, switch. You don’t have to do anything fancy on your night off; one reader told me she sometimes drives to a neighborhood park and watches people play tennis while she listens to a podcast in her car. She finds the rhythm of tennis to be relaxing to watch, and she gets to feed her mind content she’s interested in. 🙌
9. Plan a solo getaway. (When you’re ready.)
Years ago I was inspired by a friend who does a yearly getaway, staying anywhere from a hostel near her home to a Caribbean island. I’ve since done half a dozen solo getaways, usually going no more than a couple of hours from our home and staying a night or two in either a hotel room or a vacation rental.
I’m a BIG advocate for carving out consistent, small blocks of time to yourself—especially if you’re an introvert or a highly sensitive person. But there’s something incredibly restorative about a more substantial chunk of time.
Best wishes as you learn to listen to your inner voice and make room for what you need! With you on the journey,
In addition to the featured message above, here’s what else you can hear on the latest episode of the podcast!
- Try-on session: A segment where share a new thought for you to try on for size.
- Decluttering Tip: This decluttering tip isn’t about physical clutter; it’s about mental clutter—all of the STUFF you’re storing in your brain. A weekly tactic for lightening your mental load!
Listen to the full episode in the audio player below or in your favorite podcasts app, linked here! 👇
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I used to finish every day feeling like I would lose my mind if one more person touched me, talked to me, or needed me. (Maybe you know the feeling?!)
It was when I finally connected this to my introversion that I let go of my guilt for needing time to myself and started showing up for motherhood with confidence, joy, and peace.
I have seven tools that helped me get to this place, and I would LOVE to share them with you.
Learn more and jump in, right here! ↠↠
Talked Out, Touched Out: A 7-Day Email Challenge to Help You THRIVE As an Introverted Mom
A calmer, happier motherhood experience—yes, even during a pandemic—awaits. ❤️
Wow! This triggered the memory of me as a young child following my mother around the house. I vividly remember playing outside the bathroom door, asking her questions while she was in there.
It was not until years later as an adult I realized she offten used the bathroom to hide from me for a minute or two of peace and quiet 🤣
I needed this validation and reminder. Thank you 🙏🏽
You’re so welcome! I’m so glad this post was helpful!
Have you heard of many women struggling with alone time when a spouse is working from home due to COVID with the possibility a permanent work from home? Suddenly there is no alone time and you have another adult around you 24/7. I feel like this an issue that companies who are all about the great “remote working” don’t take into consideration, or at least address the issue that this may (negatively) impact more than their employees.