It was midnight. My husband (the night owl in our relationship) heard my feet on our stairs and, before I even came into his sight, said—
“Can’t sleep, huh?”
“Nope,” I replied in frustration, heading of course for the cereal cabinet. (Does anybody else eat a bowl of cereal if they can’t sleep??)
This exchange between my husband and me had become way too common over the last year, and although I knew several factors could be at play, I had my eye on one habit that was likely affecting my sleep.
Before-bed screen use.
But dangit, I didn’t want to give it up! It’s more convenient to read using my Kindle app… It’s so delicious to watch a show in bed… It’s really, really hard to resist that final check-in on Instagram.
But as I’m sure you know, the research on tech before bed is not good. Blue light suppresses the body’s melatonin production and pushes back our circadian rhythms. Where blue light can be useful in shifting our cycles toward more wakefulness when we need it (like first thing in the morning), it has a negative effect when we want to go to sleep.
Blue light has a dark side – Harvard Health Publishing
Why is blue light before bedtime bad for sleep? Scientific American
When I was ready for rest, my mind suddenly wanted to replay every exchange with every human I’d ever met. I’d stew over my latest parenting dilemma, I’d mentally rehearse my to-do list for the next day, or I’d suddenly need to know how overdue our library books were. Great timing, right?
But I didn’t really even need the research to tell me that; I could feel that my technology was often given my mind a second wind—right when I wanted it least.
There are other downsides, too, to using screens before bed, like how easy it is to slide into a late night scrolling spiral on social media, which does nothing good for the mind or heart.
But like any normal human, I resisted the idea of shutting my electronics down early.
Until finally, it dawned on me to re-frame.
Focus More on What You’re Gaining Than What You’re Giving Up
Instead of thinking about what I was giving up (my screens), I began to think of it as—What could I add IN to my bedtime routine that would help me go to sleep feeling amazing?
I decided to put my screens away thirty minutes before bed (more when I could manage it, but thirty minutes felt realistic and sustainable for me). Instead of staring at a device and falling asleep feeling as drained as ever, I started taking a hot bath, writing in my journal, finally getting serious about a gratitude practice, listening to mellow music, and more.
It was a beautiful change, and I didn’t miss my devices for a single one of those thirty minutes.
5 Reasons a Bedtime Routine Might Work Better for You Than a Morning Routine
For years, I felt like I’d been hit over the head about the power of a morning routine. It seems like allllll of the big names in business and entrepreneurship swear that their morning routine is the secret to their professional success and personal fulfillment.
So every time I read another article or heard another influencer rave about their morning routine, I’d give it another try.
And every single time, I’d give up within a few days.
My reason for giving up was that no matter how early I woke or how silently I tiptoed through the house, my kids always caught onto me. (It’s like they have a sixth sense that alerts them the moment I wake up.) I found it more frustrating to HOPE for time to myself and then be disappointed than to just…keep sleeping and get up when they did. 🤷♀️
A morning routine might not work well for you if you—
- Have a baby or young kids
- Already wake up at the crack of dawn for the early shift at work
- Have a job or other role that requires late nights
- Have a light-sleeping partner
- You’ve always been more of a night owl than an early bird
And that’s okay!
I’ve done it for long enough now that I don’t think I could ever go back.
That last hour of my day is essential to my mental health. Essential to my ability to keep on giving to the people around me, because I’ve taken the time to fill myself up first.
Join Us
If you’re under-utilizing your bedtime routine, I’d love to have you take a look at my 7-day mini-course for women just like you. Women who want to end their days on the best possible note—and to see how that intentionality spill overs into the rest of their lives.
Join us! Design a Soul-Filling Bedtime Routine
Sweet dreams!
Erica
PS. Let me know in the comments what your nights are typically like! Is this something you’ve mastered, or are you (like most of us!) a work in progress?
I have the sunrise alarm clock and I LOVE it. It’s such a subtle and gentle way to wake up. I set it for an hour before my kids wake up and then I go retrieve my electronics (which live on a mass charging station outside of the bedroom) and then I get an hour of work done before the kids get up. I would really love to exercise during this time but right now it’s just not happening in the mornings! My husband set up the charging station as a way to get the electronics all out of the bedroom at night. Although he’s usually the one needing the reminders!
I love this, Denaye! Good for you guys for being so purposeful. I think a family docking station will become even more important as our kids get older, so I figure I might as well get started sooner than later! And I’m glad to know you like the sunrise alarm! I’ve got #3 in my cart at the moment!
This post couldn’t have come at a more fitting time, Erica! With the convenience of literally everything on my phone it’s so easy to be sucked in, even with the intention not too. The other day, my toddler put her face in front of mine, pointed to the phone in my hand I was looking at (for I’m sure too long) and said to me, “All done.” Talk about an eye-opening moment. Painful but needed! I’ve been making an even bigger effort to give my phone less of my attention throughout the day ever since. 🙂 It’s been a really positive change on so many levels, but I love the idea of setting an actual “curfew” for before bed. I’m looking forward to the 7 day challenge. Count me in!
What a sweet, eye-opening moment with your daughter—Thanks for sharing, Anne! My girl will say “Mom, look at me,” when I’m accidentally zoned out with my phone and she’s trying to show me her latest and greatest. It’s sad that we have to struggle with this so much, but awareness is always the first step, right?! (Fingers-crossed emoji) 😉 And thanks so much for your interest in the challenge!!
It’s tough. I’ve given myself the limit of not using my phone between when I get home from work and when my kids go to bed (4:30-8:00) in order to try and be present with them, but have to do dishes and lunches after that…so the only time I DO allow myself to have screen time is around 9:00 at night! That said, with a night-waking toddler and full-time job, I am so sleep deprived that I NEVER have difficulty falling asleep no matter what I do before bed! I hope the challenge goes well for you. It’s always good to examine our habits around this and I’m happy I did that and decided to put my own limit in place!
This is so marvelous. I have been feeling for quite some time that I need to create a beautiful bedtime routine. Thank you so much for the inspiration (I’m writing this at 11:00 at night. Ugh!).
Haha, I get that, Kayla! I’m glad this touched you! Best wishes!
I discovered years ago that lack of sleep was one of my migraine triggers. I made a commitment to go to bed by 10pm each night to get up at 6am. Also, due to acid reflux I don’t eat after 7pm. Although I am occasionally hungry by 10, not having food in my stomach helps me sleep better, no weird-too-spicy-burrito dreams! Since I work on a computer all day the last thing I want to do is be on another device when I get home. After dinner I read a book or magazine, often in bed, and by 9:30 I’m fighting to stay awake to finish and article or chapter. Most mornings I wake before my alarm. It takes commitment though, especially if there is a good movie on TV.
Great post. I’ve been dealing with increasingly severe insomnia over the last two years and finally got a referral to a sleep specialist. I’ve seen incremental improvements after implementing changes… a before bedtime routine was huge. And SO HARD! I was really surprised at how resistant I was to finding something else to do before bed besides spacing out in front of the TV and my phone. Two screens! But also my usual glass or two of wine while I’m watching. No alcohol after 6 (something about the sugar and processing it creating wakefulness right around when I tend to wake at 1:30 am). After my daughter is in bed at 7 I’m supposed to make a list of things on my mind and then keep it close to my bed through the night. No screens after 8. Usually at 8 I listen to a podcast and sew, do a puzzle with my husband, or… not sure! I’m still coming up with ideas! (I still really want to watch tv 🙂 At 9 I get ready for bed, go to my bedroom and get comfy in a big chair with my dog. I read for about half an hour, rub some lovely smelly lotion into my hands, do a breathing meditation. I take some melatonin at about 10 pm and climb into bed. I’ve had some good nights! And I haven’t been able to say that in a very long time. My sleep specialist thinks parenting a wakeful kiddo (who has thankfully grown out of that) may have contributed to messing up my melatonin production. So hopefully after a few more weeks of this routine things will continue to shift in the right direction. Thanks for the added inspiration and good luck on your journey!
What a wonderful and relaxing routine.
I would love this. My problem is when I lie down with nothing to distract me, my stupid head won’t sut up and rehashes everything I didn’t get done that day, everything needing to be done and an argument from 8th grade I should have handled better and every other poor choice/ failure I’ve had in the last 20 years!
I’m up at 4am today (again) because I woke and had to pee. When I laid back down my mind started running with today’s tasks and other things. I didn’t turn on the tube because I didn’t want to wake the Bald Man.
I WISH I could learn to just relax and meditate to clear my mind. I’d like to get back into yoga.