Permission to Unfollow: Social Media and Emotional Health

A couple of years ago, I was following a woman on social media. I liked that she didn’t try to paint herself as perfect. For every styled-out photo she posted of herself holding a cup of coffee with beautifully manicured hands, she shared one of herself with a wild-haired toddler on her hip and not a hint of makeup on her face.

But gradually her profile became more and more stylized, and her message of self-acceptance evolved to a message of hustling for your dreams. If you want something, she taught, don’t let ANYTHING stand in your way.

I still enjoyed following her, and in the strange way that only social media can foster, I’d become invested in her family’s success and happiness, even though I’d never met them and almost certainly never will.

Unfollowing her would feel like stopping a movie in the middle. (Gah!) I needed to know the ending!

But I knew I was comparing myself to her.

I was comparing my sweatpants on a Tuesday to her designer denim on a Saturday night—my quiet, slow-burning desire to make a difference in the world to her spirited determination to knock on every door and break through any ceiling, no matter how high. {Related: How to Detangle Productivity and Your Self-Worth}

So I unfollowed. I let go of her outcome and refocused on my own.

I don’t blame her for the unfavorable comparisons I was making in my mind. Her message will influence a lot of people for good, and that’s a beautiful thing.

But it wasn’t for me anymore, and it’s my responsibility (not hers) to monitor what I let inside.

People often tell me what a slippery slope social media is for them. And I get it! It’s as slippery as the dishsoap-squirted slip-n-slide my neighborhood put out last summer, and I’ve slid belly-down ALLLLLL OVER that thing! (Metaphorically, that is.)

But my gentle reminder is this: You are in the driver’s seat. You get to decide what you let in.

Need to do an Instagram audit? Try this:

1. Go to your profile and check how many accounts you’re following. Think about that number for a minute. If it’s big, it’s like letting a fire-hose of comparison into your life. Additionally, scrolling through your feed might be taking WAY more time than you intend.
2. Click on that number and then look at each account listed, thinking one by one about how their content makes you feel. Do you feel like you’re deficient—or “not enough” in some way—when you see images from that account? Not ambitious enough, not skinny enough, not wealthy enough, not creative enough… (Because friend, you ARE enough.)
3. Unfollow any accounts that make your doubt yourself or the life you’re building. Really, you have full permission!
4. In the Explore/Search feed of Instagram, click on a post you DON’T want to see, tap the three dots at the top (or three dots at the bottom, if it’s a reel), and then tap “not interested.” If you do that consistently, IG will stop serving you content like that. (I visually show you how to do this right here!)

For me, following a small number of carefully selected accounts allows social media to function almost exactly how I want it to: I feel inspired and motivated when I look at my feed (not drained or put down).

And (bonus!) because the number I follow is small, it’s actually HARD for me to waste a lot of time scrolling through my feed!

A word of caution about the Explore feature on Instagram

If you’re in the habit of hitting the Explore/Search button and scrolling through strangers’ and celebrities’ feeds, I’d nudge you to do what you can to break this habit. While you can customize your own feed, you have FAR less control over what Instagram shows you in this tab.

Sun-tanned, heavily-filtered bodies… adorably matching (but sliiiiighly unrealistic) moms and kids… ultra-toned fitness experts… It’s all there.

And whichever images you click on, Instagram will show you more of those, meaning that before long, those images will make up the majority of what you see in your Explore tab, further contributing to what can all too quickly become a distorted view of other people’s lives.

The key to better boundaries: social media and emotional health

Earlier this week, when I sent an email to my community along these lines, a reader, Nicole, replied with the perfect description of why customizing your social media is so important. This is part of her story:

“I started to remove pages and people I no longer talked to or haven’t seen in years—anything that didn’t fulfill my personal values anymore. My usage of social media dropped to almost non-existent. Now, my life overall feels light and airy. My husband and I have been creating experiences and memories that are far more meaningful than sitting and scrolling. My soul and heart feel full and fulfilled for the first time ever. Things are not perfect in my life, but limiting social media has been a great leap in making space for what truly matters to me.”

Nicole Cebuliak

I KNOW that this process isn’t easy and that it takes continual recalibration. It does for me too. But I hope my message today comes through loud and clear—

The key of customization is in your hands (no one else’s).

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How’s social media feeling for YOU lately? Leave a comment saying “I’m in!” if you’re going to do some editing of your feed ASAP!