I once ziplined over a gorge in Africa. I made a running start and flew headfirst, arms outstretched, with nothing but a hundred feet of air below me. (Aside: This is the same girl who was nervous to talk to sales clerks in high school.)
Now I write here, a few times a week, from the comfort of home. I brainstorm posts while sitting on the patio in the sun, watching my boys ride little donuts on their bicycles in front of me. I write in my head at 3am, in the security of my warm bed, when thoughts intrude too persistently for me to stay asleep.
But I’ve got to say, despite the comfort of my environment, it feels as disarming to hit publish week after week as it felt to sail over a Zambian gorge.
The rush of fear and addreneiline isn’t as steep, but it is more sustained.
The critic in my head never stops telling me—
“You haven’t been through enough to write about this stuff.”
“You aren’t enough of an expert to share advice.”
“You are more of a mess than you let on.”
Then there is the one that has been weighing heaviest on me lately:
“You are talking about normal motherhood, because that is what you have been lucky enough to experience. But what about the women you know who are going through HARD, heavy things?
The thing is, I can’t write for my friend whose five-year-old is facing another round of chemo. Or the friend who lost one twin in utero. I can’t write to Kathryn, whose doctor used the words “failure to thrive” when describing her daughter, or Katie, whose autistic son drains her (and I’m sure, fills her back up) in ways I could never imagine.
But it is knowing you that keeps me grounded. Or, to roll with the analogy above, it is knowing you that keeps me tethered to the line.
You remind me that at any moment it could be my turn to walk a path I did not want to go down. It could be any of our turn.
You remind me that my inner critic doesn’t matter for a second in the grand scheme—and that we are all stronger than we think.
You remind me that no matter what big, hard things we are going through, we moms still have little people throwing food off the high chair tray, missing the toilet in the middle of the night, refusing to go to the church nursery.
We still have warm little bodies to watch breathe at night and footsteps to hear too early in the morning.
You help me look at the boring, regular, mundane moments as something much more beautiful.
So today I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for letting me know you; thank you for reading, even when I complain about constant noise or list the comparatively meaningless ways in which I do not have it together.
You are the best part of writing here, and I hope you know that I think you are incredible.
Linked up with On Your Heart.
This is absolutely beautiful. You are an amazing mom, an inspiring writer, and an incredible friend. I am so grateful for your perspective and your ability to bridge the gaps between moms who have different journeys but share the same loving hearts for their families and their children. You bring moms from various walks of life together and it is such a gift! Bless you, friend. You are awesome.
I so love this. I have felt these exact same things about blogging especially knowing some of the same people you do. This is beautiful!
Thanks, Aprille! I love that we run in the same online circles. 🙂 And I’m always relieved to hear other people know the feeling. Have a good evening!
So sweet. You are inspiring and motivated people in all walks of life, myself included. So thanks for sharing a part of yourself in this blog. I know it must not be easy! And thanks for the perspective too…my life really isn’t that bad but sometimes I get so down on myself thinking this motherhood/life stuff is not easy! Or not what I thought it would be sometimes. But that’s why we have to have support. And remember all the good things in life!
Love you.
Thanks, Rachel! I agree! Most of the time I’m looking at life through that same perspective, but it seems that the older I get, the more I see friends (other moms) who are going through really, really hard stuff(!), and I better remember how lucky I am. Love you too, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Thank you for your inspiration. What I love most about your blog is that you never come across as ‘shoving’ things down my throat. You are simply sharing your life and experiences and I am very grateful for that. You don’t have to go through what everyone else is to be genuine. You have a lot of optimism and love to share and I very thankful for that. Xxx keep writing xxX
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate hearing that, from your perspective, I don’t come off as too preachy or pushy. 🙂 I really want to show that I’m just a regular ol girl trying her best to figure out marriage and motherhood. 🙂 Thank you for reading, and best wishes!
Indeed, I feel like I have it easy when I see other challenges around me. On a different note, I appreciate the real battles of motherhood. I think there are tons of “happy mommy” blogs out there that make us feel inadequate thinking that everyone else is all put together. You are real and that is what so many of us need to see and that its okay for us to be real too!
I actually thought you when I wrote this post, considering how insanely difficult your pregnancies are!
Thanks for the encouragement that the little but real battles of motherhood still matter. You have such a fantastic supporter and friend, Liz – I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it!
My oh my, I love your blog. Thank you for sharing this. I too have been thinking about what I am “qualified” to write about, and how to squelch the voice in my head that tells me to not hit “publish.” Its hard to put myself out there, and I find myself sticking to “safe” posts like recipes and crafts, but wanting to write about more personal and sensitive things. I’m hoping I can find a balance someday. Or at least the courage to hit “publish” more. 🙂
Hi Kylie! Thank you! I’ve really enjoyed the heart-based posts you’ve done since I’ve been following you. The “at least” post you did recently really stuck with me. I would LOVE to see more, but of course, that is kind of my genre. 🙂
PS. I admire that you make time for so many projects! Your kids are crazy lucky!
Beautifully written. I appreciate genuine, vulnerable heart-speak 10 million times more than anything else. You have a great voice for that and it’s fun to see you grow even deeper into sharing it.
PS, if you haven’t seen the Brene Brown TED talk on Vulnerability, you absolutely must watch it and then tell me what you think. I know you’ll love it.
Oooh, I have not seen it and I am always looking for more! I’ve been meaning to ask people for more TED talk ideas on facebook, so thanks! And thanks for the sweet words as well. Hope you get feeling better asap!
I was thinking about that word this week,”expert”. People go to school, attend formal training for a few years and we regard them as highly trained experts in medicine, cosmetics, sales, education…whatever. But when it comes to parenting, we are more awry. Even a stay-at-home mom of a 2 year old has gained more one-on- one intense training than most field experts can imagine in the area of parenting…at least up to age two 🙂 That mom never gets to take any days off. There will always be another person with more tenure, more hardships, more children. That’s what we do as women. Constantly wondering and questioning if our own journey is significant enough. Nobody knows it all but that does not mean that their experience is less significant than another. That does not mean that their experiences are less helpful to another. So share on my sister. We all have an inner critic. I am glad that you know that the day to day mundane tasks do matter. And you too are incredible.
So beautiful. His grace is sufficient for all our needs. 🙂
I love love love this post! Would you be willing to share it with my readers on NanaHood with full credit of course and links back to your site?
Awesome writing! We serve an awesome God!
Teresa
NanaHood-The second half of the motherhood journey!
Hi Teresa! I would be delighted to share this post with your community! I’m glad you introduced yourself, because it looks like you have a lot of fun going on at NanaHood. (And that concept is so fun, too!)
I’ve heard google spiders don’t like full duplicate content, but I don’t mind at all if you share the first half with your readers and then send them over here to finish. Thank you! Let me know if you decide to do it, and feel free to email me anytime at letwhylead at gmail. Hope to talk to you soon!
That pause, that question – am I good enough…am I really an expert in this; does what I say actually matter?….. you’re right, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter whether you actually are an expert or if writing is perfected…what matters is living!
And yes, you are good enough – we all are; and we are all experts in what we are each living, because it’s ours, it’s first hand. No one’s experience is less than another’s. And for those with greater hardship in their lives – that’s where ‘normal’ people can lend their prayers, their hands, and their friendships.
Hi Emily! Just wanted to say I absolutely loved how you phrased this. It IS a blessing to be able to lend a hand to support those going through hard things, since we all go through our seasons. Thanks for the tweet, as well!
Visiting from Casey’s linkup! Your blog is just lovely! I can tell that we have a tone in common!
Jess Elaine
http://www.thejesselaine.com