Now that we are THIS close to being a family of five, I thought I’d share a few moments and thoughts from our last few weeks as a family of four.
No matter how many children you have—
No matter how much younger your baby will be than the others—
No matter how excited you are about the addition—
Adding a baby changes the family dynamic.
I’ve reflected over this a lot lately, as we have finally reached a magic stage with the boys. For one thing, it’s been ages since we’ve carried a stroller in the car. On a recent long stroll in San Francisco, our youngest was hanging onto my hand and walking at a snail’s pace by the end. But he was still walking! No stoller, no diaper bag in tow. I had two fruit snacks and a couple of credit cards in my jacket pocket.
At our beach day two weeks ago, I sat on the blanket and soaked in the semi-warm sun while Trenton chased waves with his dad and Chase carved racetracks in the sand. No one stuck handfuls of sand in their mouth or crawled around looking for driftwood to gnaw on. With Dad there too, I wasn’t needed for anything more than pulling the occasional snack out of the bag!
In addition to the leap back into the baby stage, my boys will become big brothers to a little girl. Their relationship with each other may change as #1 heads off to school and Baby Girl grows old enough to become a playmate for #2. Their relationships with me will change, too, by nature of the fact that I’ll have a tiny-helpless-human to care for again. Then there is that one small matter of my relationship with my husband. Juggling three kids is bound to introduce some new challenges!
A mother’s instinct is to protect her family, so I think it’s natural to feel some anxiety about introducing a life-changing family dynamic—even something as miraculous as a baby. But what we do is hold on to the hundreds of positives a baby will also introduce. Like seeing your youngest (previously “the baby”) become a big brother or sister. Like watching the older children develop protective instincts for their new sibling. Like someday—hopefully—enjoying the rewards of the relationships you helped foster for so many years.
So to every mom who plans to add another to her family, let’s hold tightly onto the positives.
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Becoming SuperMommy
We just added #3. You’re totally right. Everything changes.
But it’s wonderful. You’ll never have any regrets. <3
Rachel Thueson
I can’t remember where I read it (probably somewhere on Pinterest), but I recently read the quote, “the greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling.” I keep thinking about that. Just think of how much we treasure our siblings now and how life wouldn’t be the same without them. Having a baby is ridiculously life changing! But I am so excited to see your family grow. That little girl is lucky to be coming into your family. Love you!
Vindie
I’ve been thinking about this a lot as well. Feeling lots of anxiety as the weeks left to baby #3 fly by. It definitely makes me notice the little things I love about the here and now with 2 little tots running around. I keep thinking back to when we added #2 and mostly I only remember the sweet things and not the rough ones. Good luck in the coming week/days! So excited to see pictures of your sweet baby girl!
Barbara Park
Erika… I know of no one who tries harder and more sincerely to do what you feel is right and best for everyone you influence, and you know I love you. That being said family dynamics change constantly. Whether its a new baby, starting school, changing careers, family members passing away. Change is one of the only things we can count on consistently. Your first big issue will be explaining to Trenton and Chase why the baby does not have a weenus ( as my grandson refers to them.). Then trying to explain what a pagina is (as my grandaughter who is five states.) “The difference between boys and girls is boys have a penis not a pagina.” However regardless of the changes in dynamics or the ages of your darling boys there is a hush and a reverence that accompanies new babies that EVERYONE recognizes. When my fourth child Katie was born my two year old son Matthew climbed on my hospital bed pulled the blankets away from her face and looked at her with considerable concentration for a two year old. Then he looked me straight in the eyes and said ” Mommy I’ve seen Katie before. Yep she’s my sister”. I of course burst into tears. They are wonderful ominous changes you won’t ever expect nor will you ever regret bringing another one of Gods precious children to earth to enrich, challenge, teach, aggravate, frustrate and love more than you could ever imagine possible. One of life’s tragedies for me is that at least here on earth we have a time frame to consider. Heaven for me will be having children forever. You are a blessed and wonderful woman and family.
Erica {let why lead}
Thanks, Barb, for such a sweet comment and all the encouragement. Your grandkids’ pronunciations are hilarious! I’m excited for the journey and love hearing from someone who would have children forever if they could. That is such a unique and special quality! No wonder the kids at church benefit so much from your presence. Much love! -E
Lindsey
This post almost made me cry! Children are so precious.
Brenda @TripleBraided
Yay!! I didn’t even know! Congratulations! And a girl! That is perfect! I’m already thinking about another one . . . I just don’t tell my husband! 🙂
Sarah
Having already number three – that dynamic changes indeed – but after the adjustment period is over, it’s pure bliss 🙂 My “baby” is already four.
debbie (Nielsen) Rowley
Hi Erica & Ryan
So excited for the arrival of baby girl! Erica you write so beautifully. You should be published! The family pics are so sweet! Thank goodness for computers or I would never get to see any of you. Ryan I heard you got a new job. Congratulations!
Love you all
Auntie debbie
Julia Forshee
Erica, thank you so much for sharing this view into your lives right now. It is an interesting change. I have a girl followed by two boys. The dynamics are very interesting 🙂 I recently started a Thursday link-up party (yes, today:), and I would really love to see this post and/or any others you would like to include. I am at allthingswithpurpose.com. Hope to see you there!!
paula
precious. I remember reflecting on the life changes that were about to come our way when we went from 1 baby to 2. this is such a special time!!! congrats on your little girl coming soon!
Ashley Ditto
SO EXCITED for you!!!!
Lorie S
I can totally relate to this-just with bringing my second into our family. You said it beautifully! So excited for you and this very blessed baby girl!
Evanthia of merelymothers
Beautifully written, Erica! I can definitely relate as we get so close to adding another baby to our family, too. It’s beautiful, momentous, and a little scary at the same time.
Becky Kopitzke
Just catching up on my favorite blogs this week…I love coming here, Erica. I’m exhaling a little “ahhhh” because I can so relate to this post. I believe we are done at two babes, but I remember from my days of shifting from a family of three to a family of four, and I’m both excited and anxious for you to make the transition to a family of five. I so look forward to living it vicariously through your blog. Blessings to your family today, my friend!
Erica {let why lead}
Thanks so much, Becky! No matter how many kids you have, the transition is always a lot to wrap your mind around. Now if I could only get this little lady to come out! (She’s due Saturday!) Enjoy your weekend, dear!
Shell
A new baby does change things… but I wouldn’t have it any other way! I love my three!