I heard the sound of small feet trailing me, followed by his words—
“It’s okay, Mom.”
I pushed the hair off my forehead and sighed, recognizing that this was genuine empathy my son was showing me.
A minute before, I’d been mumbling a familiar script under my breath, something about me being the one who does all the work around here and getting nothing but complaints in return. I was put out, and at 8 years old, my oldest child was old enough to notice.
Those words—”It’s okay, Mom”—pulled me out of it. I softened and saw him as a human again (instead of one of my dependents).
He was right. It was okay. Deep breath: We have everything we really need.
I remembered for the millionth time how easy it is to get caught up in the doing of motherhood instead of just being with my kids. I thought of the wistfulness I sometimes hear in my mom’s or my mother-in-law’s voice when they talk about their days wiping up spills and spouting out times tables.
This is my motherhood, I said to myself. I only get to do it once.
These children? They’ll only be in my home for a short time. They’ll be mine forever, but they’ll never again need everything from me. Once they’ve outgrown my lap, they’ll never truly fit there again (although they’ll always be welcome). This is it.
So I tucked my son under my arm as we headed back upstairs. Then after the kids were shuffled to their rooms for the night, I got out a pen and started writing this list. Because… I have a feeling I’m not the only mom who wants to savor her kids while she still has them, even if it is harder than we expected. 😉
32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have Them
1. Watch them when they sleep.
2. Inhale them after they bathe.
3. Steal some extra time brushing your child’s hair. Keep on brushing it straight through the teen years.
4. Read the heartfelt things your kids write about you and let them sink in. (When our kids give us valentines or birthday cards, are we really taking their words in? It’s time to start.)
5. Break a personal parenting rule or two. I recently took my 3-year-old daughter to get a pedicure. I mean, she’s three! But as it turns out, it’s a memory I’ll savor for a long time.
6. Be silly. Sing at the top of your lungs in the car, dance in the grocery store, pull a harmless prank.
7. Let them climb into bed with you (sometimes).
8. Don’t round UP on their ages. Even if your child turns 7 in two months, keep thinking of him as 6. There’s no need to hurry childhood along, right? (By the way, I do this with my own age, as well.) 😉
9. Fill your home with photos of them.
10. Practice living simply so your mind is clearer, which—in my case—helps me experience more moments as they come. {10 Clutter-Clearing Strategies that Will Make Your Life 100 Times Easier}
11. See your children through a camera lens. Sometimes this change in perspective is all you need—to see your child in a new light. {34 Life-Giving Hobbies for Tired Moms}
12. Capture, whether with your camera or a pen and paper, not just their milestones but the scenes you see every single day.
13. Choose one thing you can accept, rather than tolerate. Letting go can alleviate so much agitation and allow you to live more in the now with your loved ones.
14. When they’re hurting, try to place yourself in a similar situation from your past and really remember what it felt like to be where they are.
15. Prop your phone camera up and use the time lapse feature to record a family meal or a homework session. Looking at it later will help you appreciate the beautiful chaos of raising your babies.
16. Watch them closely when their minds are fully engaged in something they love.
17. Do something for you. Often. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” {24 Self-Care Practices for Moms}
18. Climb under some blankets and read to them. (And for those moments, choose not to let it bother you when you get sat on and accidentally elbowed a dozen times during your reading session.)
19. Get rid of guilt. It’s clouding your view.
20. Regularly take some time to remember your childhood. It’ll help you better appreciate theirs.
21. Claim for yourself and your family a distraction-free block of time. A morning with your laptop closed, an afternoon away from your phone…
22. Use this mental image to help you refocus on what—and who—really matters to you.
23. Make it your goal for a day to double the amount of eye contact you have with your children.
24. When you pack away a size of clothing your child has outgrown, make a little ritual of remembering this last stage and how quickly it passed.
25. Take more video footage!
26. Build yourself a supportive village. Not a lot of “savoring” goes on when you’re parenting on an island. (Too much energy is going to survival.) We need each other.
27. Organize some (super simple) one-on-one dates with your children. If you need structure for this (and simplicity!), try letting your child stay up 15 minutes late—to do something just with you—on the date of her birthday every month. For example, a child born on April 16th would have one-on-one time every 16th of the month.
28. If you child is old enough to text, take screen shots of cute text conversations you exchange.
29. If hurrying makes you agitated, try building more free space into your schedule so you don’t have to rush so much between activities.
30. Snuggle up with them for movie time.
31. Listen.
32. Experience something new with them—something they’ve never seen.
This is your motherhood. You only get to do it once.
In the beautiful words of Diana Loomans:
“If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch,
and watch with my eyes…
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields,
and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging…
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love or power,
And more about the power of love.”
Is Your Brain Overloaded?
I don’t know about you, but one of the main things that keeps me from sinking into the moments and savoring my kids as they grow is simply… everything I have on my mind!
It’s exhausting, carrying a heavy mental load.
To help you clear out your head and experience more peace in your life and presence with your family, I’d love for you to grab my free Mental Clear-Out Checklist—
Photography courtesy of Colie James Photography
Hi Erica,
Thank you for this post. Hope you know how many parents you touched with this post. I am a mom of 2 yr twins and its easy to get lost in the motherhood whirlwind everyday. Our partners or elders cant always remind us to look beyond the craziness as their lives are equally busy too. But someday, moms like you pick up the pen and take us out on this beautiful journey of a mom. I love my children and constantly strive to do more with them, make more memories, play more, hug more, co-sleep, co-eat all before they grow up. Your post made me realize simple things that parents can miss out like -putting on their socks, just so you could marvel at those lil feet before they start wearing it on their own.
So thank you for ‘bringing back the real me’
I am glued to look forward to your new posts.
Cheers,
Loved the tips and the reminders!
Generally on a daily basis u just get carried away with life routines, and u forget the big picture of enjoying the child n the beautiful moments which will never come back..this article definitely reminds me to savor those moments
This is very true1! Those daily basis life routines can wait, there were there, are here and will continue to consume our time! the tiny special moment will never come back. Enjoy the moment which will connect you and your child instantly.
This is beautiful it made me cry. I have five boys one going into highschool one into middle, two in elementary and a little love who turned nine months old yesterday. And everyday goes by so quickly i just wish I could catch time and put it in a bottle for awhile. These moments go by to quickly. I really love this and will be doing more on this list. Thank you for the eye opener and reminder❤
Wow, five boys! And I’m so glad this struck you. Thanks for reading, and all the best, Alicia!
just yesterday. my hubby said “how could i not respond to my 5year old who is going on forever calling Mommy” i guess i’m just tired. probably need a little time out for myself.
Hi, Erica
That was so nice….I am a single mum of a 17 year old boy, 14 year old girl and 12 year old boy. My life is sad…working 8 – 6. So I go work and home…can’t affort to go places. Dont even have time for myself. We are very close to one another…they cook with me…each one got a chore in the house. We take photos. Your 32 ways to savor your children…..wow. thank you. I am really going to try to add some to our lifestyle.
My kids are my everything.
Thank you fir posting this.
So glad it was meaningful to you, Angelique! You sound like a great mom. I hope you remember that!
Well I’m in tears as I can relate to ALL of these! We have a blended family. While raising “my” oldest 3, I chose to do in-home licensed daycare so I could be home with them. While most of the time we did not have much money to get or do big things, I’ll never regret that choice because of all the moments I didn’t miss. As I scurried to balance each of their school & sport schedules, I remember feeling like I may lose my mind at times. Nine years separate “my” youngest & “our” youngest. The beauty of that age gap is that now I realize how ridiculously fast the time goes, & how much I need to slow down, pay attention, & savor every moment with her. Dishes, laundry, & bed making now take a backseat to moments that become priceless. Thank you for re-emphasizing the most important things in life. My mama mantra: “As we teach our children all about life, our children show us what life is all about.”❤️
I was thinking about all of this just this morning. And I decided to write down memories in as much detail as I can with all that I felt at the time and all the tiny things that we tend to forget with time. I have two daughters (one is 4 years old and the other is 7 months old). This is what I wrote today (will edit it and add more reflectiins to it tonight):
Its 9 A.M. Anaya just left with Daddy for her school trip to the zoo. Boy was she excited! As I was going to the kitchen to get some breakfast for myself baby Yashal got up. So I took her with me and she helped me make a cheese sandwitch. She is sitting in her pack’n’play now, playing with her toys. It’s so wonderful to see her trying out each toy.. banging them with each other.. putting one in mouth… trying to put two in her mouth at once but figuring out that’s not possible. She is like a little scientist, engrossed in her study of everthing around her… always exploring, always experimenting, always taking mental notes. She is curious. She is fearless. She has no bias. She just needs one reassurance: that mommy is nearby. Every once in a while, she glances up from her deep study of rattles and rubber duckies to make sure that I am right here. Sometimes she waves a toy at me and gives a triumphant cry to let me know that she has gained a major insight: “Look mommy, this duckie sqeaks when I squeez it… Mama check out how these toys sound like when I bang them together… Mommy this toy feels really good to bite on.” And I clap for her, tell her she is doing great.
She is rubbing her eyes now, yawning. Looks like our little scientist is getting sleepy. All that exploration is hard work. She is calling out to me: “Mom I think i’ll take a break now, I am a bit hungry too. Pick me up mommy”.
Got to go. It’s cuddle time!
Love this, Areej. I know what you mean—recording these precious moments helps them become so much more vivid in my memory. Enjoy those cuddles! 🙂
For me the moment I love them the most is when I’m getting upset and my three year old say ‘calm down dada, it’s okay’.
… and one other thing – when you have a wonderful relationship with your sons, that relationship will remain for a lifetime.
Hi ERICA LAYNE, Your article remembers this season with my first child. There are many similarities with me. Thanks for writing