To the mother of her first baby,
This month my first baby turns five years old. The infant that once fit on my chest as if he belonged there is now on his way to becoming the person he will be.
Five years ago, I could never have understood how quickly and, simultaneously, slowly these five years would pass. When I was in your shoes and would hear nostalgic mothers say, “It goes so fast,” I was dubious.
This is not going fast. My husband works all the time. I haven’t slept through the night in months. . .
But it turns out, they are right when they say the days go slow but the years go fast. I’m only five years into it, but let me tell you how.
1. The overwhelming stages will pass more quickly than you think. You know those phases that seem all-encompassing when you’re in them? Like when the baby is transitioning from two naps to one or when your toddler starts climbing everything in sight? The good news is that they don’t feel as big the second time around.
I labored over the baby sleep books and then the toddler discipline books with my first child, Trenton. Then I barely even cracked those books with my next son, Chase.
I distinctly remember a standoff Trenton and I had in his bedroom, when I had told him to pick up a toy and he insisted that I do it instead. Neither of us would give in, so we stared each other down for what felt like hours. I was baffled by how strong his will was—even at 18 months! But by the time Chase hit the same stage, I knew it’d pass pretty quickly, so I was more at ease—and a bit more able to laugh at those moments of utter stubbornness instead of feeling utterly perplexed. 🙂
To the mom of your first baby: it’ll pass. Read the books if you want to, and be intentional, for sure, but sleep easier knowing that the next stage will be upon you sooner than you think.
2. If you’re hoping to have a handful of kids, don’t focus on what the next five years will look like; instead try to envision what your lifetime will look like.
Yes, years of following your early walker’s every footstep (because we all know babies at that age are basically a danger to themselves) are going to be exhausting. I can’t tell you how many times I felt wiped out by baby #1 and could not fathom doing it a few more times. Pregnancy, delivery, the no-sleep baby months, the toddler tantrums . . . Times that by three or four—or five?? No way!
But here I am with three, and I wish I had worried less about how in the world I would get to this point, because somehow I’m here.
If you keep your head down, taking one day at a time, and tuck away in the back of your mind an image of you as a smiley grandma posing in front of a camera with a handful of rambunctious grandchildren—you’ll get there, eventually. The big picture can carry you through.
Yes, you will earn every single day of your motherhood journey, but in some inexplicable way, before you know it, that baby that you’re holding today will be a proud older sibling, a brave kindergartener, an eager friend. That baby will be sensitive to your moods. That baby will look into your eyes and tell you cute but nonsensical knock-knock jokes.
Yes, the days will go slow. But before you know it, you’ll be gazing into the face of a small person. You’ll get glimpses of the adult he or she will become, and for all the ups and downs that you have experienced as a mom, you’ll start to see the vision of it.
To Trenton: I’m excited to catch the vision more and more with each year. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
To the mom of her first baby: Trust me—even on the hard days—when I tell you that with time, you’ll catch it too.
Thanks. My first has been trying my patience of late (he’s almost 3). I needed this reminder!
Thanks, Aprille! Admittedly, I do think age three is one of the hardest (and longest) stages during the first five years. At least, it was with both my boys. I will cross my fingers that he flips the switch for you soon! My oldest flipped like a switch at about his fourth birthday, turning back into his amicable, generally obedient self. I’m still waiting for my second little guy to switch. 🙂 I know every kid is different, though. Good luck!
Thanks. My first has been trying my patience of late (he’s almost 3). I needed this reminder!
So true. And a very happy birthday to your first! 🙂
Beautifully written, Erica. It’s amazing what the first teaches us (daily!). 🙂
There is so much wisdom here. And happy FIFTH birthday, Trenton!
So helpful! I’m due with my first this December. This post will come in handy very often in the future. Thanks for sharing!
Congratulations, Katie! And yes, taking everything with a grain of salt is one of my best motherhood tips. Things change more quickly than it feels they will. I’m reminding myself that now, with my third baby in the night-wakening stage. 🙂
You’re going to be great!
I can’t even put in to words how much I love this post. Just what I needed to hear today. Now that my baby is almost one I totally get it. The days are slow but the years are fast!
I’m so glad to hear that, Julie, and thank you for taking the time to tell me! Loved your “mom style” post, btw! You are beautiful!
So eloquently said. I concur! I am so much more relaxed this time around. The time is racing by and somehow I have a 1 month old son. Really? Thanks for this.
Lisa, I am so with you! I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Quinn is approaching five months old. I literally still think of her as your son’s age! I think the first baby can just be so all-encompassing that the days don’t fly by quite as fast. 🙂
He is a handsome boy! I loved this post!!
Thank you Erica, I needed this today. I love the quote, “Look at your lifetime and not at your life right now.” I have been trying to think of it as building my Thanksgiving table:-) Happy 5th birthday Trenton. Your children are all at such wonderful ages. Enjoy, Kristen
Kristen – Can I just say, thank you so much for leaving this comment! The idea of “building my Thanksgiving table” KEEPS popping into my head. I just love that image. It helps you stay focused on creating something of meaning, something that you put a lot of work and heart into, but that ultimately fills your life up with love. I’m going to remember this one!
Beautiful! Loved every word.
Happy birthday, T!
You pretty much wrote this for me! Haha. This is great advice for a first time mom. And for me!
I distinctly remember feeling so bitter whenever anyone would coo over newborn Sierra and say, “they grow so fast, don’t they?” and I felt like time was going so slowly I could have died! But its true, now that I look back, it does go so fast! But when you’re in the thick of it, sometimes that’s not what you want to (or can!) hear.
Being a Mom of two I think these are great reminders for all Moms. Thanks for joining the Mommy-Brain Mixer.
Thanks so much, Nicolette! I just followed you on bloglovin. I look forward to getting to know you and your blog better!
Your insight brings tears to my eyes! Yes, I agree! You know you are a lucky ( blessed) mother when you remember ALL the good times more than the bad ones. Keep up the good work!