Today, my family and I would have been Italy-bound. Instead, we’re… home-bound.
We’d been saving and planning for this trip for two years. We’d put hours into pinning down places to see, what order to see them in, where to stay, and even what we’d EAT. #foodloversunite
We were so excited to see our family that’s living in northern Italy right now—including meeting a brand-new niece for the first time.
And because we were lucky enough to do a trip like this two years ago, we knew what an impact this experience would have on our kids’ identities and impression of the world.
So like you’d like imagine… It was hard to tell our kids that they wouldn’t have the chance to fight over who got the window seat on the plane… or to explore Italy with the uncle they idolize.
It was hard for my husband and me to accept that the plan we’d labored over was now once again just a dream.
And of course, it’s been hardest of all to watch the news break, as hundreds of deaths are reported daily in that beautiful country.
We’re Surrounded by Loss Right Now
It’s a strange, strange time. A time when losses are all around us—ranging in weight from lost events and vacations… to lost childcare and work… to lost community and normalcy… to the heaviest loss of all, health and LIFE.
Every Loss Matters
But even with all of the heaviness around us, I wanted to take a moment just to say:
It’s okay to mourn the small losses.
It’s okay to feel sad about a cancelled trip.
It’s okay to feel sad about your gym being closed.
It’s okay to feel sad about not being able to see your extended family right now—or to give a loved one a hug.
It’s okay to mourn your daughter’s missed prom or your son’s missed t-ball season.
It’s okay to miss your kids’ teachers more than you’ve ever missed anyone in your whole entire life! (Just me?)
It’s okay to grieve the life you’ve lost as you adjust to this new normal—even if your new normal is actually a pretty beautiful life.
It’s alllllll okay.
Feel what you’re meant to feel, and allow others to feel what they’re meant to feel.
It’s not a competition over who has it the hardest, and empathy—both with yourself and with others—is ALWAYS the answer.
xo,
Is Your Stress & Anxiety High Right Now?
You are not alone! This is an INTENSE time, and it comes with a thousand different challenges. But of the challenges I’m hearing about most is the constant, exhausting hum of stress and anxiety—and I want to give you the tools to fight back!
I’ve poured my heart into a brand-new guide called, “From Stressed to Centered: 8 Concrete Steps to Fighting Stress & Anxiety During the COVID-19 Pandemic.”
It’s possible to find peace even during these unrestful times!
PS. If it helps, drop one thing—even the SMALLEST thing—that you MISS right now because of the pandemic. (“I miss ______.”) Remember: Nothing is too small. We get you!
Kay
My husband and I were supposed to have been on a 2 day getaway in Connecticut. We were going to see Brad Paisley tonight. It was my husband’s Christmas gift. My daughter had a solo in the school musical (no more school in VT). Thanks for your beautiful message. I’m sorry you were not able to take such a special trip.
Erica Layne
I’m so sorry you weren’t able to do yours, Kay! I’m so glad this was helpful, though. We will get through this!
Jan
I miss going to the grocery store without fear. Fear that I won’t be able to get the food my family needs and fear I’ll bring home disease.
Erica Layne
So, so hard, Jan. I know what you mean.
Meg
I miss normal. It is school holidays here in Melbourne, Australia, and as a teacher I just miss the impromptu catch ups, wandering a shop, visiting a park, showing my grandson new stuff.
Erica Layne
I can imagine, Meg! We’re just starting our spring break here, and my kids are understandably a bit disappointed about spring break entirely at home. It’s hard!
Lauren
I miss my morning and afternoon commute to and from work now that I’m working from home. It was my time to breathe, unwind, de-stress and listen to podcasts. A nice physical separation between home and work.
Shannon
I miss hugs- a lot. I miss talking with friends about fun and pleasant things, I miss laughing about silliness without the tension of this dark thing and how everyone is differently responding to it. 💔 I miss the friends I knew before everyone was stressed and oscillating between denial and panic.
Louise
I miss like crazy the exercise timetable I had built up to over the last three years with my personal trainer and more recently a swim coach. (I NEVER imagined I would miss the gym, as it has been so hard at times to keep going) Today I am taking action though and starting a home programme put together by my PT, to try and maintain the huge progress I have made over the last three years. The only thing I haven’t resolved is the swimming but it will be heaven when I return!
Maureen Burrell
I miss being able to meet up with friends for coffee and cake, I miss my 3 year old grandson (and obviously his mum, my daughter and his dad) and also the fact I have just had a new foster child move in with me just as lockdown started so I have not been able to take her to meet my family and all the lovely supportive friends that I have. She is just stuck indoors with me! 😥
Liz
I miss working out at the gym and going out with friends for coffee or dinner
Jessica Norman
I miss being able to spend time with and hug my friends and I miss loving on the pets that don’t live in my house.
Sara
I’m going to have to postpone my wedding until next year. We are small business owners and we just can’t make it work to do both given that we have no income coming in right now. I am so incredibly sad
Shannon
I miss hugs- a lot. I miss talking with friends about fun and pleasant things, I miss laughing about silliness without the tension of this dark thing and how everyone is differently responding to it. I miss the friends I knew before everyone was stressed and oscillating between denial and panic.
Gina
Yes. This!
Camille
I miss seeing my daughter, pregnant with her first child, and caring for a husband recovering from this virus. So hard to not be able to help.
Erica Layne
Wow, Camille. Those are both so hard. Sending love to you and yours!
Chris
I miss our weekend family get together s, our kids/grandkids, playing restaurant with my granddaughter. I miss what was to be our family Easter vacation at our son’s home. I work as a classroom aide in a learning support classroom and miss my job and the students so much! I don’t think I’ll ever complain about a Monday again or wish that Friday would arrive faster. I miss watching my gymnast granddaughter and seeing another all dressed up for her senior prom. My heart aches for her knowing that she should be excited about the end of her high school career and looking forward to a graduation she may never see. I. Miss. Everything.
Erica Layne
This is a lot of things to miss—and I would miss every one of them too! I’m so sorry, Chris. Sending 6-foot air hugs!! 😉
Rosalie
I miss seeing my daughters and grandchildren.
I drive 30 minutes every Sunday to go to church with one of my daughters abd grandchildren.
I miss hugging them all. I miss being in a room with my family
Jenny
I miss being able to let my 15 month old run up and greet strangers and play with other kids at the park. And I especially miss travelling to see family. We had a few family trips coming up where my 15 month and his cousins would be together.
Maddie
Hi Erica,
We too have had to cancel plans – my parents and my husband’s parents both live on the other side of the country, so our kids were so excited to see their grandparents for their annual visit but unfortunately each have had to cancel. Living so far away from each other is already hard enough, so we are all pretty disappointed.
It’s tough because I don’t want to be ungrateful- we are healthy, I am a stay at home parent and my husband is able to work at home so we still are lucky enough to have an income. But still, the interruptions are frustrating, especially with having to explain all of this to our very young kids.
It’s very stressful, but I am trying to stay optimistic for a return to normal life. As they say, you never know how good you had it until it’s gone.
Best,
Maddie
http://www.simplifiedandsatisfied.com
Jena
This was a post on FB that has been going around (not my post but a share):
“We’ve started a new thing in our house today and sharing it in case anyone else wants to try. Every time we wish we could do something, go somewhere, treat ourselves, see someone we love, visit a new place, invite people to visit us, we’re going to write it down on a post it note and put it in a jar. When all this is over this will be our bucket list and we’ll work our way through the jar and be more grateful than ever for the little and lovely things in our lives. Until then we’ll enjoy watching the jar fill up with magical things to look forward to.”
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10218693094892553&set=a.1567033729800&type=3&theater
Heidi Kubin
Thank you! My husband passed away very suddenly just over a year ago. I am familiar with grief. What I have learned is so important for people to understand is that grief is not an exclusive club that is only given to specific circumstances. There is grief over big things AND little things, and everything in between. Thank you for your words. I recently started my own blog, and many of my thoughts have been echoed here. Feel free to check it out at http://fortheloveofand.com
Many blessings to you.
Arlan
I miss going to theaters for musicals and plays, going to the movies, going to concerts. Most of those involved a meal beforehand with friends. There have been so many shows cancelled, some being postponed, but who knows if those will happen. All those things bring me such joy. To keep experiencing those losses one after the other has been tough.