Lately the phrase “a good mom” has been twirling around my head.
A couple of weeks ago, the boys and I made playdough. I let them sit on the counter. Trenton got to stir. I added glitter to the dough. Then I spent the rest of the day glowing about what a good mom I had been.
I’ve decided since then that I have the notion of “a good mom” linked in my head to “a creative mom.”
Of course I want my kids to have varied tactile experiences, to see how two paint colors make a new one when blended, to discover how a drop from an eye dropper makes ripples in a bowl of water. But I don’t think that that is what they will remember from their childhoods.
When I think back on my own, I remember the paper mache masks my mom helped us make on special occasions, and I can almost smell her salty homemade playdough, just like I make for my boys. But beyond that, my memories of childhood arts and crafts are few. What I remember of my childhood is more of a feeling than a list of experiences. It is security.
I’m a good mom—even if I let his preschool teachers do most of the crafting with him. Even if I haven’t taken him to the dentist yet. Even if I let them ride around on the patio while it’s pouring rain. I kiss owies better, sing songs at night, and encourage them when they’re feeling shy. No matter how much or how little they remember someday of their childhoods, I will be proud of my work if they can say they felt secure.
Now it’s your turn. I’ve been connecting “a good mom” with creativity. What do you think you connect it to?
I love how you put this. I totally agree- a good mom is security. Security and love.
I equate it with patience, of which I am not good at but am working on. Patience and control (of emotions, anger, etc.). Maybe I do so because those are the two main flaws (there are more, for sure) that I wish I could change.
And I guess I don't really mean "flaws"- just attributes that I wish I were better at :0)
I have been thinking about this since I read it an hour ago! I've been trying to decide what I have mentally linked to the "good mom" title. I feel like a good mom when I'm teaching and providing Olivia with lots of exposure to different things. When we're going places and experiencing new things, when we're talking at length about concepts and learning to write and recognize letters and numbers, that type of thing.
I also agree with the commenter above- I feel like a bad mom really quick when I am short and impatient. I could stand a lot of improvement in this area!!
But, ultimately, I agree with you. Security! I think, for the majority of parents, when we're doing our very best, we're probably doing a great job.
P.S. Don't worry about the dentist thing! My father in law is a dentist and he doesn't even want to see kids before they're four (barring any serious, obvious dental complaints, of course). Olivia just barely had her first appointment (no cavities!) a couple months ago.
I think I equate it with busy sometimes. Giving Livvy playdates with friends or outings to the park or something else. But lately, I've been thinking that's pretty silly. Today she has spent the day in her jammies and seems more content than ever to play with her toys and be home with Jude. I really like this post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. They resonated like always.
I loved your whole comment. First of all, PHEW about T's first dentist visit. He's not even on our dental insurance yet. Next year for sure! You sound like a wonderful teacher for Olivia, with her even getting interested in the science principles you're learning in school. Her watching you study so much is probably going to turn her into a genius someday!
Also, I should add on here that I think children can feel security through their parents love, no matter where the family is. Moves, separations – whatever! Heaven knows we could have half a dozen moves ahead of us before we're settled, but I think the boys will still feel secure. At least I hope so!
Busy – that's such a good one! I definitely do that too. But yes, I don't think it makes a huge difference to them. (Although the changes of scenery are probably good for their brains. 🙂
I love feeling like we moms are in it together! We're awesome. 🙂
Most nights patience is THE first thing I pray for!