Not long ago, an article on Scary Mommy caught my attention: Dear Husband: Here Are the Only Things I Want for My Birthday. Because what we all apparently want is—
“An entire day of love and doing everything I ask. If this is talking over dinner about the intricacies of The Bachelor, so be it. If I want you to clean out the garage, avail yourself of the cleaning supplies. Do NOT ask me where they are. That ruins it.
Here’s the fine print: I am not supposed to be aware of you doing any of these things. Get off my computer and don’t ask my Etsy log in. Write the card at work. You’re smart. Figure it out.”
If there is anything I’ve learned in the last decade, it’s that expectations put a BIG FAT DAMPER on everything.
Granted, that Scary Mommy piece was likely satirical. I sure hope it was! (Otherwise, watch out for one SCARY MOMMY every year on her birthday!) Regardless of any intended satire, I somehow doubt that the 127,000 people who shared it, shared it in irony. In fact, the comments show that a LOT of women are unsatisfied on their birthdays.
After experiencing my share of disappointing holidays (why do babies refuse to nap on our birthdays??), I finally discovered a deceptively simple fix.
Use the day to celebrate your life.
The same goes for Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, and any other day of the year where your brain tells you people should be celebrating YOU. Instead, do the celebrating yourself.
Celebrate the big, small, scary, joyful, chaotic, calm life you’re living.
Take the kids to play in the local creek. Order pizza for dinner so you don’t have to cook. Go easy on yourself, but try to leave your fingers uncrossed. No more hoping that the kids will be angels and that the Mr. will show up early from work and send you out to get a pedicure.
Life is too short to be disappointed on your birthday. But it’s just long enough to appreciate the good in every season.
I’m sure you all caught on to this ages ago, but I thought I’d pass it on just in case. Here’s to happier, healthier, more satisfying celebrating, ladies!
Beautiful images from Simplicity Photography
Absolutely! During my single mother days, I learned to plan my own celebration and even now I do the same. For Mother’s Day, I made reservations for lunch, then I went hiking with my children. It was lovely! I was pleasantly surprised by flowers and gift cards from my family, but I was already set up to enjoy the day – everything else was just icing!
Years ago a wise woman told me to celebrate 1 day for every year you are old. For most of us that is close to a month, so if anything good happens during your “birthdayS'” think “happy birthday to me!” It takes the pressure off 1 day!
Thank you for this post! I am celebrating my birthday on Friday and can totally relate to the post by Scary Mommy. I used to get the birthday blues every year because my expectations were so high… Why didn’t everyone (including the checker at the grocery store) see the sparkle in my eye and instinctively know it was my birthday!? I was always disappointed at the end of the day… Even If it had been a great day. So, a few years ago I decided to do something different. I decided to make a difference on my birthday and show that the world was better because I was born. I will get my husband a gift, I volunteer with my church, I serve someone who needs an uplift, I listen/play/enjoy my kids just a moment longer than normal, I take my mom flowers (because a birthday is ALL about mom, right!?) etc. At the end of the day I’m no longer disappointed because I’m not focused on what I want, but rather looking outward. My birthday is a day to celebrate that I can make a difference for good, if only in small ways.
Hey lady! I’m late saying it, but I absolutely loved this comment! And haaappppy birthday! I hope you enjoyed the day. And considering what you shared, I’m betting you did. 🙂
Do you mind if I share your comment on my facebook page? It was like taking what I had said to the next level—instead of just celebrating your life, reaching outside of yourself. Love it.
What a fantastic reminder. I used to have birthday blues because my birthday fell right in the middle of the holidays. So there were expectations but not a lot of it met since everyone was so busy with the holidays. I then realized that birthdays are simply meant to enjoy the day without expecting the world to bend over backwards for you. And that celebrations don’t have to be typical—how one person shows you they love you may not fit the typical expectations you often read or see.
Oh I can relate Nina! Mine’s right after the holidays, when people have just run out of celebrating steam. haha! I love what you said about looking harder about how people are showing us love. It’s often there – We just have to be more open to it and *aware* of it!
Low expectations are the key to happiness. This is especially true on birthdays/ mother’s day.