I promised myself I’d remember it this time. I promised myself I’d really feel and experience it. I promised myself that in those first moments of holding her, I would tell her everything I’ve been thinking for the past nine months.
But then it happened. Her lungs filled with air and the world heard her first cries while she lay on my chest. I held her bum with one hand and cautiously stroked her head and face with the other. Our sweet delivery nurse rubbed her with a blanket as my husband and I watched the color slowly fill her little body.
I wanted to tell her everything I’d been thinking, to promise her how much we would love her and how hard we would try to take care of her.
But all I could say was “hi sweetheart” and “you’re so beautiful.”
And I wouldn’t change a thing.
To the expectant mom—You’ll have plenty of time to tell that slumbering face everything you think and hope and dream. You know those nights they tell you about? Those nights where that little angel won’t sleep outside of your arms? That’s when you can share your heart.
And if—months later—you can barely remember your baby’s first minutes outside of the womb, don’t feel guilty. You just did something amazing, something so big that it is no surprise those moments are hazy. But take heart, Mama, because you’ll have the rest of her life to tell her just what she means to you. And someday, she’ll even be old enough to understand.
Do you remember your first moments with your newborn?
This is so beautiful, Erica! Such a lovely ode to those first few moments with your new baby. I can’t wait to read more–keep up the awesome!
Thanks, Amy! Hearing from you makes me miss you like crazy! You are just such a BRIGHT person. Your blog is amazing! I’m glad you commented recently because I don’t think I had been over before, and I’m so glad to know about it now!
This gave me the chills! So beautiful. Those early days with a newborn are somethin’ else…with raw emotions, lost sleep, getting to know this new little person, and figuring life out again! There is seriously nothing like it. I look back at Sierra’s newborn little sleepy pictures and I feel so nostalgic now.
I don’t think you could have summed up the newborn stage any better than with those four things—raw emotions, lost sleep, getting to know the new little person, and refiguring life. It’s a huge adjustment! But so wonderful too. It’s tricky not to wish it away because you long for more predictability (or more sleep!), but I’m trying hard! Love you!
You’re so right. I do remember those early moments with each of my babies, but almost in a sensory way that words really can’t express. The sounds, the smells, the temperature of the room, and the emotions all at once come flooding back.
So excited for you! A new baby girl!!