If I could warn any pregnant woman about one thing, it would be the emotional toll pregnancy may take on you. I’d grab her by the shoulders and yell, “No matter your emotional state, you are normal!”
While I was pregnant with my first son, I couldn’t understand why I spent so many hours lying on my side, on our bed, staring out our second-story window. With my second pregnancy, I was instantly overwhelmed, almost debilitated, at the idea of having another child to care for. I could barely keep up with my first, who would be only 18 months old by the time his little brother was born. The mere sight of an infant made me nervous, and again, I spent plenty of time lying on my side, staring out the window. (Only this time, I could only pull that off when my eldest was napping.)
I still maintained all my normal activities throughout the first trimester (minus a bit of housekeeping, because hello, I was tired!), but everything felt more gray. Day-to-day routines with my boys wore on me. I was less talkative with my girlfriends, more snappy or cheerless around Ryan. Life lacked its usual luster.
With so much to be happy about, I often wondered during the first two pregnancies what was up with me. Was this normal? They warn you about mood swings, but what about one long, low spell?
It wasn’t until after my second son had been born, and I had tasted feeling 100% myself again, that I began to wonder if it I had been experiencing symptoms of depression during pregnancy. The third time around, I knew I should anticipate it. It came, just like I expected, but this time, I had experience on my side—and hope. I continually reminded myself, “This is a state. It’s not who I am.”
I didn’t understand that concept the first two times around. But by the third, I knew to trust myself a little more—and to wait it out. I knew that I DO adore my boys and that a few months before, getting pregnant had seemed like a brilliant idea—for good reason! This version of me that was continuously running on empty was NOT the real me. (The REAL me still runs on empty sometimes, just not as often!) I’m grateful that by the third time, I had just enough experience to know that it would pass, that life would regain its luster before long.
Pregnancy emotions can be all over the board, from the “glow” to mood swings to depression. Believe me, I know firsthand that months of barely recognizing yourself is bewildering. But expecting less of yourself for a time and trusting that it will pass can lend a lot of comfort on the low days. You are normal!
What advice would you give a first-time pregnant mom?
* For more information, read this article at the American Pregnancy Association, as well as “Coping with Depression During Pregnancy” and “Depression Poses Pregnancy Risks” from US News Health. Linked up with Grace at Home, and Wifessionals’ Preparing for a Little One.
Those are good reminders, Erica–pregnancy takes a huge toll on the body and of course the emotions, as well. It’s good to be able to recognize it as a temporary state (though it doesn’t feel that way at the time!)
Great wisdom here, Erica. I wish more women would be honest about the emotional toll of pregnancy. For me, the greatest emotional struggle came in the newborn stage. My nerves went haywire after both of my girls were born, but the second time I had the advantage of hindsight. And you’re right – just those short months ago, having another baby seemed like a fantastic idea, and it still is! Even when your emotions are trying to convince you otherwise. Blessings to you and your growing family today!
Great point that it applies to the newborn stage as well! Agreed!
I luckily haven’t experienced depression during pregnancy – definitely crazy emotions during the first trimester, but nothing too bad. My friend just had her second baby and they diagnosed her with pregnancy depression and she was able to take some medication which helped. I guess she’s more prone to post-partum depression because of it too. I sometimes just overlook things, thinking I just need to buck up and be normal, but sometimes I think it’s important to take a hard look at yourself, make sure you’ll well, and if not get help, because you’ve got a family and yourself to take care of. I think these issues are really great to talk about because sometimes women think they’re alone in in them.
That’s great, Mal! Thanks for sharing. Depression during pregnancy can also be linked to preterm labor, so it really is so important to consult a doctor if you’re wondering. But no matter what your emotional symptoms, I think most of us can agree that it is a roller coaster at times! At least you get a baby at the end!! Hope you pregnancy is going well, dear!
O the joys of pregnancy right. I know that I must have been acting emotional and depressed because my mom gave me a bottle of B12 to take along with my prenatal pills I was already taking. (B12 is suppose to make you be happier and have a better mood.) It might be worth a try for anyone else, I think it helps, and I think my husband can notice a difference too!
I can definitely relate to your description of pregnancy as not feeling like yourself. For me, I don’t get depressed, but I feel so tired. By the end of my pregnancy, I was convinced that this was the new normal–I almost forgot what it felt like to not be completely exhausted all the time, even after 11 hours of sleep! When my daughter was born, I was shocked to realize that I actually felt alert, even waking up every two hours all night to feed her.
I think that a really important thing to remember about pregnancy is that it is one long string of crazy symptoms, but at the end you get a baby and (for the most part) the symptoms don’t stay.
24 hours after birthing this baby – yes still in the hospital even! – I felt the world to be a lighter, brighter place. Hang in there! The funk ends eventually. It’s so nice to have hindsight and really believe it this time huh 🙂