5 Ways to Discover Your Authentic Self

When I was a teenager, the 30-somethings I knew understood life. They were comfortable in their own skin, had successful careers in fields they loved, and knew exactly what their purpose was.

Right???

If that’s true, then I want to hand in my “decade 30” club card, because I got scammed.

But if it’s not true and those 30-somethings didn’t have a clue about who they were and how to live with purpose and grace… well, then I know I’m not alone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about authenticity in my own life and whether I even know what it means.

What does my authentic self do?
How does she look?
How does she speak?
What does she care about?

As hard as I try to live authentically, I never quite feel like I’m doing it right.

On a particularly difficult day, I remembered something my husband wrote me on our first family camping trip. We were almost roughing it—if it weren’t for the cabin with electricity and the 50-cent, four-minute showers. Nonetheless, we were living in nature for a few days, cooking by campfire and collecting bugs (whether we wanted to or not), and I instinctually let myself go (in the best sense of the phrase) because I dared to just be, not perform. 

I stopped trying for *right* and just *was.*

It was in the one room cabin on the shore of a draught-ravaged lakebed that I discovered the way to my authentic self. And it seems that doing it right is not part of the equation.

During that trip, my husband wrote in his journal what he saw in me:

“She enjoys the moment. She doesn’t need a plan. Her joy radiates without distractions. A simple ponytail and natural light captures her beauty perfectly.”

That was me. Authentic and free in the open spaces of a hot and dusty campground.

It wasn’t intentional, even with my overall focus on intentional living. It was something so intuitive that I missed it altogether. I was too busy being happy. Sipping up every drop of laughter from my daughters and tracing my fingers over cracks in the once-submerged boulders—completely unaware that every preoccupation with naptimes, love handles, and unread emails had wafted up and disappeared on the dry desert breeze.

In the weeks since our trip I’ve tried to hold on to that authenticity.

I focus more energy on the moment instead of planning better moments. I seek spontaneity. I put down my phone more often. I stop and seek patience when it’s not palpable. And I’m learning to love my own skin and all the beauty that I carry within and without.

If you’re like me and feel like you’re not doing “authentic” quite right, consider these ideas to discover the true you. 

5 Ways to Discover Your Authentic Self

1. Enjoy the Moment

Moments in nature often pass in slow motion for me. A hummingbird’s quick taste, the butterfly’s dizzying flutter… these moments are easy to enjoy. But these moments are also key to finding our authentic self. 

Authenticity begs for oneness with the moment. What about that sunset brings you joy? What is it about kids in their pajamas that melts your heart? Why does your heart still skip a beat when you steal away with your spouse for a few hours? It’s the moments we crave, the ones we relish, that speak to our authentic self. All we need to do is listen.

2. Wing It Sometimes

Sometimes, we just need to throw out our plans and wing it. There is a spring of beauty and whimsy waiting to flow from deep inside when we place no restrictions or expectations on the present.

3. Remove Distractions

Small, occasional sabbaticals from our digital devices can help us rest with our own thoughts and ideas. Check here for five specific ways to minimize digital distractions in your daily life. 

4. Serve Someone Else

“Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

A project or purpose greater than ourselves bleeds authenticity. Nothing has taught me this more than motherhood. In giving myself to these little souls I feel truly authentic.

If you doubt your authenticity and struggle to live true to it, try to find a way to serve others. Volunteer, be more intentional in your relationships, call a friend who is hurting, or simply call your mom! Authenticity spills over when we put the needs of others before our own.

5. Go Au Natural

A few days in nature is a perfect excuse to go au natural and totally rock it. I’m always amazed at what a few days away from the emphasis on outer appearance does for my soul. 

But when we get back to reality, we face a culture that defines beauty and desire in unrealistic ways. If we pay too close attention to it, our authentic self wilts with shame. It’s a standard we can never attain because the definitions are constantly changing.

Authenticity, though, frees us from the expectations of others.

Authentic beauty is unapologetically flawed and breathtakingly refreshing and rare.

—

I received a birthday card last year with a poem about a rare bird, and the friend who sent it told me she loved me because I was a rare bird in her life. That card is framed now to remind me that rare is beautiful and valued, even in its imperfections.

So throw your hair up or take it down; wear makeup or don’t. It doesn’t really matter. Just practice being you—because you, my friend, are rare.