I sat with my hands poised over my keyboard, headphones resting in my lap and an empty cup of hot chocolate to my side.
The young woman sitting next to me in the coffee shop answered a phone call and listened in silence for the first couple of minutes. It was evident as soon as she said something that the person on the other end of the line wasn’t happy with her. Not by a long shot. She stood her ground but eventually cut off the call mid-sentence.
I fidgeted with the headphones in my lap, wondering if I should put them in and leave her alone with her thoughts.
For full minute I fought my instincts to look away and finally turned my shoulders toward her.
“I’m sorry about your phone call,” I said. “Do you want to talk?”
She met my eyes in surprise. “Just one of those weeks.”
“I hate those weeks. Well, I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. If you want to talk, let me know.”
She thanked me and I turned back to my laptop, trying to strike a balance of compassionate and available without coming off as intrusive or weird.
I think our eyes are trained to dart away, to let people experience their awkwardness, disappointment—their pain—in private.
We think it’ll be worse for them if they know someone else is watching, if they know someone else got a glimpse inside.
But maybe it actually feels good to be seen—even in our human moments.
How many human moments can you see in a week?
Not how many DO you see—how many CAN you see?
If you don’t turn your eyes away, what will you see?
An old woman with dementia, feeling lost and alone even though her son is only steps away?
A teenager, still figuring out how to hold his body around his friends?
A young mom walking through a store with an impassive expression on her face and a toddler wailing away from inside her cart?
A guy down on his luck, sleeping on a park bench?
A older man with a strong sense of pride still intact despite broken bones from deterioration?
Let’s watch. And find out.
“Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.” Albert Schweitzer
Moments after our exchange, the young woman saw a friend in the coffee shop. She chatted with him cheerfully, when I’m sure that inside she was feeling anything but. A minute later he was gone, and she was packing up her things.
When she got up to leave, she stopped again and met my eyes.
“Thank you,” she said.
And then she was gone.
Photos credit: Alt Summit.
How beautiful!
I’d be afraid she would lash out at me for eavesdropping. That was so brave of you!
Totally, Haili! It definitely felt like a risk. But we were like three feet from each other, and she never stepped away or anything, so it was pretty obvious that I would have overheard. 🙂 If she’d been across the room it would have been much trickier! 😉
This is so good, Erica! So good that I felt myself breathing more deeply as I kept reading. These moments are so precious and so necessary for all of us. I guess I’m touched by it because there are things in my own life that I wish people would see so I don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. So I wouldn’t have to worry about what they’d say if I was honest. Don’t we all? This is very timely for me and I thank you for sharing this. You have a beautiful perspective.
My goodness, Lisa—I can’t even tell you how much I loved this comment! Isn’t that the whole point—turning TOWARD each other so we don’t have to do so much pretending? You said it perfectly. Thank you so much.
This got me thinking. Thanks for that. I think I turn away all too often…I admire you for putting yourself out there like that. Something we should all think more about!
The new blog look is so grown up! I love it!
Thanks, Rach!! I’m really (like REALLY) excited about the freshened up look and the considerably improved mobile functionality. 🙂
And thanks for your nice words about the post. It is NEVER easy to turn in like that, but I’m practicing!
Love the reminder about compassion. A phrase I heard recently that hits home is “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It’s really changed my perspective, and I’m hoping to help my kids see things this way too. I think we do tend to shy away and worry about being perceived as intrusive, but probably what people need is a little more love! Thank you!