5 Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood—Even When You’re Stressed Out

A big welcome to Amber Mae of ambermaybe.com!

Have you ever noticed that when you have kids everything is an emergency?

But I wanted the cup filled to the top!

You gave her a bigger piece!

My project is due tomorrow, and I forgot about it. You have to help!

And it’s not like as moms, we don’t have emergencies of our own. We are, after all, alive. Some of us are wondering where the next paycheck will come from. Others are fighting to keep our marriages strong. We face depression, illness, and the overwhelming feeling that we aren’t enough.

Even when we simplify our lives, even if we’ve said no to over-scheduling our kids and donated the extra clutter in our homes, life happens. It’s stressful. It’s hard. There are days when we just want to hide in the bathroom with the door locked.

Then someone mentions joy.

Oh, yeah. This motherhood thing is supposed to be about joy, isn’t it.

How can we find joy when everything is falling apart? How can we find joy when a chorus of high voices are crying for us, we’ve got big problems weighing on our minds, and the mom guilt is creeping in because walking across the floor of the living room is akin to walking through a minefield with legos, blocks, and barbie dolls?

Sometimes the joy doesn’t come, and that’s okay. The downs make the ups that much more sweet, but if you feel like you only experience the downs, then maybe take a step back and try one of these methods for finding joy in motherhood—even when you’re stressed out.

5 Strategies for Finding Joy in Motherhood—Even When You’re Stressed Out

1. Connect

The other day I noticed I had hardly made eye contact with my son all morning. So I did what anyone sane woman would do: I got down on all fours and started barking. (My boy has a thing about dogs.) Within moments he was in my lap asking for a bone, and any stressors that had kept me from noticing him that morning melted away.

Between refereeing, cooking dinner, and managing the chaos, when was the last time you connected with your kids? It’s so hard to feel like we’re doing a good job when we aren’t spending any quality time with our loved ones.

If you don’t enjoy playing on the ground, trying finding something you DO enjoy: read to them, tickle them, sing songs, turn on the radio, dance. Connect.

2. Get Outside

Sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes to release the tension and get back to loving your life. If you can’t get outside, try going to a friend’s house or your mom’s, or even the playground at the mall.

3. Reframe

Reframing is a cognitive therapy that’s been around since the 1960s. Basically, it’s changing the way you look at a situation.

Earlier this week, my daughter decided it would be fun to stop the sink, turn the water on, and go outside. I learned about her strange experiment when I went downstairs to trade out laundry and found it was raining. The water had spilled out of the upstairs sink, dribbled its way out of the bathroom, around the corner, into the vent, and down to the basement.

My first reaction was to scream, but I figured it’s better to laugh than cry, so I reframed it, and kept repeating to myself, “This is funny.”

This is funny.

This is definitely funny!

I avoided a meltdown, and eventually my mind followed suit and I was able to see the humor in the situation.

4. Practice Gratitude

Focusing on what you do have rather than all of the things that aren’t working can help you shift your mindset.

But this isn’t something to only work on in the moment. Taking the time every day to see the positive in your life is an important aspect of creating a good life.

One way we practice gratitude at our house is by answering gratitude questions every morning at the kitchen table. I ask the kids to answer questions like these: What are two things that make you happy? Name a person that you love. Name two things you are grateful for.

I’ve seen improvement in my kid’s attitudes since we started, and I’m a calmer mom too!

5. Let it go

Take a couple of deep breaths. In. Out.

Now let it go.

The guilt.

The crazy-high expectations.

The repetitive thoughts that race through your mind, reminding you about all of your worries.

Let them go.

I believe words are powerful. We become our words and our thoughts.

Sometimes when my positive-thought generator is broken, I’ll try a mantra. One of my favorites is “I accept.” I accept where I am. I accept my children the way they are. I accept my husband the way he is. I accept me. 

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Motherhood is stressful. But at its core, motherhood is joy.

It’s the joy of watching your kid learn to read.

It’s the butterflies that dance in your stomach when little hands grasp your face and pull you close for a big, wet kiss on the forehead.

It’s the pride of seeing your child own up to a mistake.

Sadness and stress are there, but it’s the joy we’ll remember most when our kids are grown and gone, so let’s savor it while it’s more than a memory.

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Erica note! For the most powerful way I know of to reduce overwhelm as a mom, I recommend trying THIS free resource—

The Mental UN-Load Checklist: 5 research-backed, actionable steps to bring peace & order back to your overloaded mind