I’m resisting it, but she has a mind of her own.
She spent the day trying. Drawing her hands up toward her mouth, turning her head to the left, arching her back, digging her feet into the blanket, and grunting with determination.
I’ve been ignoring the signs for days, even turning her head to look squarely at me and thus preventing her efforts.
But I can’t stop it.
Our instincts are strong. No one told her to start wiggling and writhing in an effort to roll. No one gave her permission. No one showed her how. (On second thought, my boys probably did. But I doubt she was watching. 🙂
My instincts are strong too. I want her to stay little. I see other newborns and almost think Quinn looks just the same. I’m not ready for her to grow. I’m also not ready for myself to grow. I resist change all the time. I’m quick to donate items we’re not using, I rarely make the same recipe twice, I’m not afraid of moving (someday). But on a deeper level, I’m not eager to change my habits, my opinions, my heart. I’m proud. Sometimes I close myself to spiritual nudging because I like myself well enough the way I am. I’m sometimes resentful of things that are hard for me because if I’m honest, I just don’t want to grow.
But change will come. She will roll. I will butt heads with my husband and be humbled by my children. Because no matter how content she seems lying on her back, gazing at the tree out the window or smiling up into my eyes, instinct prompts her to grow.
And even though I fight it, I think that my deepest instinct is for change too. Because somewhere inside of me, I want to be better.
All linked up with Grace at Home.Â
I love this post. We want to grow, but it’s not always easy. It’s also hard when that cute baby is growing up too fast – you want her to take her time, but growing comes whether you like it or not and you’re not always ready!
Thanks, Alison! Exactly! Like M climbing out of his crib! I didn’t really feel this way as much with the boys, but it’s been worse with Quinn. 🙂 I bet you’ll be the same!
This post is resonating with me. Physical change has never really been hard for me, but internal and spiritual growth sometimes is. And I can’t say I’m a very graceful learner either. I feel likes sometimes I “kick against the pricks” a bit too much when it comes to growth. It’s always a blessing in the end, but I sure fight it along the way.
Amen to that, Lisa! I think I am exactly the same as you.
BEAUtifully written. They grow up too fast. I see itty babies and its weird to think that Sierra was once that small because in my mind she still is!
I love that little strawberry bum!
Lovely — both that little rolling babe and her mama’s thoughts. My kindred spirit relates to yours today.
Your little ones are just precious! Love coming here and seeing what your up to, and your writing is such a blessing to me. Always has been! Have a great week!!
This is so eloquently written. I was just saying the same thing about my three year old. I want to freeze time. Right here. Right now. I also resist change and growth, even when I know it is for the best. Funny how so many can relate. I also want a newborn:-) Thanks for sharing.
This brings tears to my eyes, Erica, especially as my boy has now rolled over, stood, walked, run, finished college, and is about to enter the mission field. How does that happen so fast??
Thanks so much for linking to Grace at Home!
Absolutely love this. One of the hardest things about being a mom- they will grow up, no matter how much I wish they wouldn’t. But somehow there are still those days when I long for change- crazy me!- because when it’s there, staring me in the face, I can’t handle it. It goes way, way too fast.
Girl, this is exactly why you now have FOUR kids! You get to do it all again with little Samuel! Your kids are so lucky to have you. I hope you’re feeling well and readjusting to life with a baby, btw!