It has taken me foolishly long to learn that my gentle (read: prodding) reminders regarding some of my husband’s habits have yielded few positive outcomes in our house. I found that pointing out five times in one Saturday that keys and stray business cards do not belong on the piano didn’t make those items hop to their appropriate place. (Who me? A little OCD?)
Thankfully, I eventually discovered a secret that would.
Sarcasm.
Strange, no?
But with my husband, it works.
If he was not answering my simultaneous text, phone call, and email (wow, my OCD is really starting to shine), I could send a text saying, “What, are you too cool to take my calls?” And suddenly, my phone would be ringing a familiar tune.
If I was wiping down the kitchen table while he reclined on the couch with the newspaper, I could sing out “Cinderelly, Cinderelly,” and he’d do anything to get me to stop—even pull out the vacuum to drown me out.
Humor points a finger at the situation but doesn’t rub his nose in it. I wish that a little humor were my instinctive reaction, rather than the sideway quip I’m so keen on, but I am practicing. Slowly I plan to train my mind to call on this trick more often. (And hopefully allow him to keep his dignity in the process.)
In whatever close relationships you’re in, have you found what your counterpart responds to best?
FYI, the post title is a joke. And I did check with my very supportive husband before posting this. 🙂
I think asking really nicely works with my DH, and explaining that something really bothers me. Nagging really does nothing for the atmosphere in our home. Humor is always good, though I think sarcasm could be easily interpreted as passive aggressiveness here..
I also find that with DD, rising above a toddlery tantrum -even when she wakes us up in the middle of the night and my initial reaction is that of irritation and anger- and distracting her with some humor or soothing kindness, will work 100% better all of the time.
Ha ha – my husband is the one who jokes, and I need to lighten up! And I'm with you on the OCD thing. A big "me, too" for you, Erica! Thank you for this delightful yet thought-provoking post!
Funny! I have to ask nicely, straight out. I am no good with sarcasm- I would have a hard time keeping the bite out of my tone. I've also found that the more I respect his time- not asking him to drop the important thing he is doing to do something for me- the more he's willing to help without being asked when he isn't so busy. And with some things, after asking and waiting and asking, I just have to start doing it myself and he comes running, ready to take over (i.e. anytime I start using his power drill, ha ha!)
I used to always preface my requests with compliments, thinking it would end up sounding like constructive criticism, and would show that I loved him. After a few years of marriage, he finally told me it sounded SO patronizing and condescending when I did that. I have worked really hard to just be direct, because that's what he prefers. So now I just lay it out there. It feels so harsh to me, but now he doesn't feel like I am mothering or nagging him. And I have also noticed that sarcasm/humor works well with my husband too. It makes him feel like we are still on the same level and that I have a good attitude instead of me pestering or talking down to him.
Keeping the bite out of my tone IS a challenge. 🙂 But like I said, I'm just practicing. And yes, letting them do things on their time really does make a difference too!
I bet you'd look great with a power drill! haha
It's so sweet that you were trying to soften the blow! It amazes me how we can spend YEARS getting to know someone and still keep finding out big things, like whether they prefer to get made fun of a bit (like Ryan) or just have it all laid out there (like Sam). Thanks, dear!
Such a cute picture of your boys!
Oh man, I have the same tenancies! I'm really working on changing the attitude of my heart and the overflow of my mouth. I'm stopping over via the blog hop! So nice to meet you! I'm a new follower.
Lindsey
outofalabaster.blogspot.com
Thanks, Nattles. It's a keeper, isn't it. Hope you're doing well! Miss you!
So glad I found your blog on the blog hop. I'm a new follower on GFC and LF. I would love it you stopped by and followed back so we can stay connected. Lori http://www.bleak2unique.com/
Hello from Australia! My hubs and I have been married for 23 years and humour has been a great mediator in our lives together. If you joke about the small irritations there are no hard feelings, and mostly you get what you want – and a giggle at the same time. It works for our three teenagers too – it prevents arguments and keeps things in perspective too. God bless x