I often wish I had never read a single book about babies. Babywise. Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The Happiest Baby on the Block. Secrets of The Baby Whisperer. I’ve read them all.
I suppose that if pressed, I wouldn’t trade the information I’ve gained from them, but with it comes an undeniable hazard: that naggling little voice in your head that reminds you every time you’re doing something “wrong.”
I have to shut down that annoying little voice all the time, assuring myself instead that after three babies, I know what works for me. Before Baby #1 came along, if I had only read the following tips, I would have been just fine. And that nagging little voice might never have entered my head.
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Treat the first three months like the fourth trimester, an extension of the womb. Swaddle, shush, use white noise and rhythmic taps.
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From day one, focus on full feedings. This will mean a happier baby and a less exhausted mommy, because Baby will be able to go a bit longer between feedings. Poke those cute cheeks, burp him in the middle of a feeding—whatever it takes to keep your baby awake until he’s full!
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That said, don’t worry about routines or “rules” for at least six weeks. During that time, just watch for patterns, and experiment with getting Baby down for a nap without feeding. But no pressure! Babies are very erratic before about six to eight weeks, and that’s okay!
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After six or more weeks, begin to establish a loose 2 1/2- to 3-hour routine. Start each day at about the same time, to help establish some consistency. (Wake baby up when needed.) After that, your day will consist of many roughly 3-hour increments of feed-time, wake-time, and sleep-time. (Sometimes they’ll be shorter, sometimes longer—not a huge deal!)
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Begin soothing your baby to sleep within two hours of when you first started the feeding. At six weeks, babies are only able to be awake for about an hour altogether (including the feeding), but the time will gradually increase. Newborns also don’t give tired cues very well (other than fussing), so just keep an eye on the clock and experiment, noting at what point they seem to fall asleep easiest. As babies get older it’ll become easier to see yawns and eye rubbing, which signal sleepiness. Get her down even before she seems tired, and it will be much easier! (Overtired babies fight sleep like crazy!)
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When at first your baby resists going down without eating, don’t sweat it. Sometimes it’ll work; other times it won’t. He’ll get the hang of it with practice! To teach my babies to soothe themselves to sleep, I always swaddle, set in the crib, and let them fuss / cry for a couple of minutes. Then I go back in, stick in the pacifier, shush and pat—all while Baby is still in the crib. I repeat as needed until Baby is asleep. (I do take them out of the crib and rock / bounce if the pacifier and shushing just isn’t cutting it! And if they’re still fighting it, I feed them!) But with enough patience and practice, all I have to do is swaddle, stick in the pacifier, pat a few times, and they’re off to dreamland! (Quinn and I are not to that point yet, just FYI!)
After all of that, I have to tell you that the biggest lesson I’ve learned is one I don’t remember ever reading in a book. It is to trust your intuition and to enjoy seeing it develop. You will become an expert on your baby. No one will know her like you will, which means you can blithely ignore all the well-intended advice that you know won’t work for you and your child. 🙂 Including the tips I just shared! What works for me may not be your style, but you’ll find it, and once you do, be confident in yourself.
I remember my sister telling me when I was expecting my first baby that she couldn’t wait for me to experience the natural growth into motherhood—the slow and quiet appearance of an instinct you didn’t know you had, the confidence that comes from learning to fulfill your child’s needs.
(Take that! Nagging Little Voice.)
For the moms out there, if you made a list of everything you needed to know to soothe a baby, would it look like mine or be totally different?
Ha! Yes!!! That’s exactly how I feel about all the books. I’ve learned tons from them, but I’ve also been great at heaping on the mommy guilt, and I do it to MYSELF. I am so over that!
Thanks, Gabby! It’s annoying how easily mommy guilt comes to us women, isn’t it?! Have a great day, girl!
He he. I haven’t read any of them and the guilt still comes! You make it sound so easy; I’ll have to try a few. I think you nailed them though. We use a lot of shushing, white noise, and live or die by the pacifier.
Agree with you about all of it! What I wish I knew before baby #3 is my pediatrician’s advice that after 2 weeks to try other forms of soothing for at least 10 min in the nighttime before feeding, and to basically do all you can to avoid feeding between midnight-5am. As a new mom I just slapped food in their face anytime I didn’t know what to do, and it reinforced night waking. With #3 I’ve never had to let him cry it out (yet!) because he’s never been in the habit of night waking for food/cuddles/attention, and it helped develop a 10-hr night by 10 weeks old that’s continued til now (6 mos).
No kidding! I don’t think I learned that with my first two either! I’ve thought about trying it with Quinn but haven’t really given it a solid effort yet, because she’s generally pretty easy at nights. But I’m inspired to do what I can to keep more wakings from developing just for the heck of it. 🙂 After all, she is at the age where they start fighting sleep “for the pleasure of our company.” (Pretty sure that is a quote straight out of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child! haha) Anyway, thanks, Alaina!
Figuring babies out is a puzzle! I like this advice. Its true—no one knows your baby and your routine better than you do. Going with your instinct is the best advice!
I got so dependent on nursing Sierra to sleep and that’s just what worked for us for months 0-9. After all the stress of bouncing, rocking, swaddling, I was glad for an easy solution to just nurse her! But there were bad things about that too.
I think rather than stressing about getting into some kind of schedule I liked just going with the flow for the first 4 months or so! Its just about whatever works and however you can get that baby to sleep. I did depend on the 2 hour wakefulness window, though! That’s what saved me and I think that is the best piece of advice ever!
I’m glad you say don’t stress for four months! I need to regularly give myself a kick in the pants to remind myself to chill out about it all. 🙂 Love you!
I think it was you who gave me that advice! That those first 3 months or so are in survival mode. And it felt like it took 4 months to get any rhyme or reason to it all, so I was glad for that!
Great advice! I pinned this to share with new moms and mommy-to-be’s!
I’ve “evolved” so much from the book-toting mother I was that first year, but I needed the guidance I found in books when I was starting out. Your tips are a brilliant synopsis of what a new mother needs to know, and it is so true how the intuition becomes louder and louder over time. Bravo for this post!
Oh my, thanks for the reminders Erika. I read “The Happiest Baby on the Block last time”. Now I am reading “Babywise”. The countdown is on!
Hi Lisa! If you don’t mind me getting specific, I will add my two cents about Babywise. Just adjust to what works for you! It’s a really prescriptive approach, so I would often feel like I was “messing up” with my first baby. (Now, of course, I know better, as I’m sure you do too!) For example, I think they recommend starting feedings at about the same time every day. And while the structure is nice, I don’t think it’s essential. Some days you just gotta go with flow! Anyway, I’m sure that’s more than you needed to hear. Good luck to us both! Babies are a big job! 🙂
So nice stopping by to visit with you! I spent some time this afternoon rocking and cuddling a 14 month old who has a nasty cold. One of my daughters is expecting her seventh baby in October. The oldest will be 10 in August. My daughter has the same nasty cold and asked if I could help a bit. It was a joy 🙂
So, I’m way curious about what your friend Alaina said. I too will be on my third kid and have never heard anything like it before! Could you ask her more about it or write about it or what not? I’d love to have a good sleeper because right now I have two crummy ones. My older one still wakes up in the middle of the night for some reason or another.
Thanks for the tips Erica! Is it funny that I feel like it has been a long time since I’ve had a baby? It’s helpful to hear some reminders and gear up for what it will be like around here in the next few months. I love your blog posts, as always! xoxo
I’m new to your blog from the PFALO Linkup. This post is so right on and insightful to parenthood. As a new mom myself I think this is great advice. I just started following you via bloglovin and I’m really looking forward to your future posts.
Brittany @ Everyday Thoughts
I love this post, especially on becoming an expert on your own baby so you can ignore all the advice and just do what works! So true. 🙂
Erica, I just loved this post. I featured it at this week’s Grace at Home party. And I think I’m going to start a “Parenting” Pinterest board. Every new mom should read this post! 🙂
Totally agree on the book thing! They stressed me out, I should have never read them! I think my husband took them away the second week Jase was born. I did much better just following my mommy instincts! 🙂