They’re wild when they get out of school.
Are yours wild too?
One is bouncing, literally bouncing up and down, as we walk home. The other is grumpy-happy, this weird combo of happy to be out of school and free of the pressure to be polite and cool and smart and collected, but also grumpy—overexerted from six hours of good behavior and just plain ready for an after-school snack.
The youngest demands to wear her brother’s backpack and tells me to carry her fairy wand.
The middle kid wants to tell me about the mint brownies the class got for so-and-so’s birthday.
And the oldest is asking if he can check his email (I know!) when we get home.
It’s a lot to process all at once, and I often find that the short walk from school to home taxes me more than it reasonably should.
Despite all the self-talk I did on the way *to* school pickup (“they’re good kids, Erica,” “you love them,” “you can do this; you can be present”), I hear my voice getting short with them as we enter the house and experience the usual explosion of shoes and backpacks and lunch boxes that all need emptied and put away.
“Trenton, don’t leave your shoes on the stairs!”
“Boys, wash your hands!”
“Chase, did you flush the toilet?”
Quinn erupts into tears over who-knows-what. (Actually, I think it’s because she wants candy and I said no.)
She forlornly wanders away and returns with her blanket, pulling it to the couch. Before she can sit, Trenton slips under her, deftly pulling her into his lap, talking soothingly to her.
It stops me in my tracks. A tender, unexpected moment in the middle of the bustle and noise.
—
Summer break is upon us. As much as I’m looking forward to a respite from the morning routine and the afternoon homework crunching, the chaos like I described above will quadruple in quantity.
For most of us, more children at home means more sibling fights to mediate, more moods to navigate, more meals and snacks to dispense. Which means…
We have to look for the good to find it.
The little moments that happen right in the middle of the chaos—those are what I want to fill my summer with.
Sure, I can do my best to create these moments. I can take them to the beach and launch a ball into the waves, hoping a big swell will bring it back to us and laughing with my kids as they chase it down when one finally does.
I can plan lazy library trips, where I’m not in a hurry to get in and out but instead am willing to pull up a chair and read. (Oh and re-shelve a LOT of pulled-out books.) 🙂
I can spend time with them in the garden—and instead of fixating on what needs to get done, I can hunt for ladybugs with them.
I can do all of this to facilitate the memories I want to carry with me away from this summer, away from my children’s childhoods.
But so often the most precious moments of motherhood sneak up on you when you haven’t prepared for them.
Like when an older sibling pulls a younger sibling in when she’s sad.
Or when your kids refer to themselves as a team while you’re making them clean windows, and it strikes you with sudden clarity how lucky they are to have each other and how lucky you are to have them.
Summer is part shaping your environment to create the magic and part keeping your eyes open just to see it. Because you never know when it’ll come.
3 Practices to Help You Look for Joyful Moments in the Middle of Summer Chaos
1. Recount them to someone.
There’s so much power in voicing the good you see each day. Try sharing your joyful moments each night with your spouse or each time you talk to your mom. Positivity fuels positivity.
2. Write them down—as they occur or at the end of each day.
If you’re really trying to recognize the unsung but beautiful moments, keep a notebook handy to record them in almost real time. This way very few of those moments slip through the cracks, like they might if you wait a whole day to think about them.
But if that frequency isn’t in the cards right now (I mean, it’s summer—we’ve got our hands full!), try it at night. It’s a form of a gratitude journal, with more of a focus on moments (not just concepts) that captured your heart.
3. Keep your camera within reach.
The world is so beautiful through a camera lens. Weather you’re pulling out your phone or toting around a DSLR, use this tool to help you shift your perspective and find the joy in the middle of the chaos.
“Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention. What you attend to drives your behavior and it determines your happiness.” Paul Dolan, Happiness by Design
Oh my goodness Erica,
This is beautiful writing, and so relatable! Mine aren’t in school yet so this is all year for us. I love your advice on how to find those special moments. I hope you have an amazing summer with your kids. 🙂
I know what you mean, Amber! It really applies to any time of the year. I just need to redouble my efforts every summer. 🙂 Plus, summer just lends itself so beautifully to a slower pace that allows me to notice more of the joy. Hope you guys have a great summer!
This post was perfect for today! I picked up the girls from the gym daycare and the caregiver asked, “do your girls get along better now?” I was taken back because they don’t really fight and I must of looked a little confused because she then said, “when you first started coming your oldest ignored your youngest (which is so true she hardly acknowledged the other) but today she was waking around holding her hand saying Elena like this, or Elena doesn’t like it when….” It made my heart swell to hear that they were playing and protecting each other and I was a little disappointed that I missed it.
Oh Sarah, what a beautiful thing! Makes my auntie heart swell with pride. You and Arie are BOTH doing something right. 🙂
Here’s to a summer of little joys! Can’t wait to share some with you in not too long!
I love this idea so much! I was complaining to a friend a few weeks ago about my kid who forgets EVERYthing and wondering how to solve it, how to *fix* him … and she said, “you know, he’s eight. And if the worst problem you have is that he forgets his lunch once a week, it sounds like he’s a pretty great kid.” She was so right — it helped so much to remember all the good things about him!
Thanks for this post to remind me about this, just as I’m going in to summer … I need to soak up all of the *happy* moments! There will be some if I look for them!
Oh man, Beth. Your friend is a wise woman. And not everyone would say that to you, so she sounds like a keeper. 🙂 YES, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in our kids’ issues, however small, and miss a million little GOOD things.
Btw, I have a space case too. For a while I thought he was deliberately ignoring me all the time… until I realized half of what I say just goes in one ear and out the other. Eesh! 😉
Summer break- I keep swinging back and forth on my feelings this year! School’s out tomorrow and I’m so happy to be done with the shuttling back and forth to school and the lunches, projects, and homework. However, I’m not necessarily ready for the messier house, increased fighting, and summer laziness that seems to creep in every time. I’m thinking I need to try #2! I have a little empty notebook that I could use and I sure need some positivity and gratitude, always. Happy summer to you!
Amen, Jules! I’ve been mostly relieved to be done with school in the past, but this year, I treasured my “quiet” time with Quinn. (Well, as quiet as you can get with a chatty toddler around!) It’ll be so different with the boys home again. The mess and the fighting… oh my. So I’m with you. I think maybe I’m gonna need to do all three!
I love your tips on how to be present, capture, and remember those precious (and rare!) moments. We’ve been loosely planning for our summer rhythm when school gets out in 2.5 weeks. The whole family does a bit better when we have a loose structure to the day. I’m loving your blog!
Thank you so much, Angela!!
Thanks for sharing your insightful thoughts and beautiful pictures!!!
I have been reading your blog on and off now for a while and I truly appreciate the way you process life, the way that you find your lens through which to filter the daily living as a mom. I aim to make my life intentional, to find the “why’s” and live them and so I keep coming back to your blog. When I become a mom, hopefully someday, I want to find such a lens, to appreciate, love, and value my kids the way you do. Thank you for this.
This is amazing. Definitely need this to re direct my thoughts a few weeks into summer!
I love this idea! Thank you for breaking it down into practical ideas too; sometimes I know that I need to shift my perspective but it’s hard to know HOW to do it. I definitely feel like this ties in well with the concept of un-busyness. If I’m constantly feeling the pressure of “I need to leave at this time to go to such-and-such,” then I have a hard time slowing down and appreciating what’s happening in the moment. Freeing up my schedule also frees up my attention for sweet small moments happening right now!