Remember college? That time in your life when an impromptu ANYTHING was just as valued as a good study session in the library.
I LOVED those impromptu moments. Like the time my roommates and I (mad at boys) belted out “You Don’t Own Me” on top of a picnic table while no one was watching. Or all the times we ran out for ice cream because our brains were on the fritz. Those four years were magical.
But now, years later, I’m starting to see that I internalized the message that “flexibility” was a must-have personality trait.
I held on to it when I became a wife and then a mom. I try to go with the flow, to downplay make invisible my type A tendencies.
We live in a culture that values spontaneity, that looks down on quiet routines and predictable schedules. But routine doesn’t have to be boring. Routine can be just as magical as spontaneity—when you look at it through a new lens.
Two or three times a month I have a babysitter (practically the sixth member of our family!) come play with with the kids while I dash out for a little breather. I used to feel like I needed to do something different every time. Several months ago, I gave that up. I know what I like: a hot chocolate in my hands and a good work session at the library with big windows.
It has become my ritual.
It’s special. And the fact that I do it again and again only adds to its sacredness.
Calling something a ritual is the choice to look forward to it. It’s the choice to savor a small moment—and to do it again and again.
It’s the power of decision.
So whether you drive around the block three extra times on Thursdays or do yoga in your underwear on Tuesdays or sit on you back patio on clear nights, embrace the ritual.
Because whoever said spontaneity is everything clearly never did yoga in his underwear.
Thanks to Logan Cole for the beautiful photography.
Good one! So true!
Ritual also allows one to see more deeply into the meaning behind the action.
It’s like marriage – if it were all a honeymoon, the excitement would pall, and we’d never truly get to know this other unique person who’s sharing our life.
Great post.
Beautiful comment, Andrew. Thanks so much.
Yes, I so need this too. And I’m one to always do the same thing as well. 🙂
I believe children, especially, find security in the predictable, repetitive rhythms of life. I have learned that being generally predictable allows margin for moments that we cannot predict. Knowing my bathrooms are clean once a week gives me freedom to invite a new friend over for a play date. Grocery shopping each Saturday means that I can be sure to find something for dinner on Monday night, even if one of my children invites over some friends. Watering the garden means it will be fresh for the family photo session. Routine is not boring our mundane – for me it is freeing!
Calling things a ritual elevates the anticipation, in my opinion – way to go!
Oh, I’m not known for being spontaneous, but that makes it all the more celebrated when I am!
I LOVED what you said about “margin for the moments we can’t predict.” So true. Thank you.
I am finding myself falling into a lot of routines this school year, shopping on the same days and whatnot. It feels very good after a year of new-babyhood (my baby is now one, where I have a little more control over my schedule).
But I do like spontaneity, too, and trying new things in the midst of the same old ones.
I think it’s interesting that you said that our society values spontaneity because I tend to think of that as a weakness in myself that I’m only lately coming to accept. Maybe it’s who you hang out with? I admire my friends with their schedules, who I imagine have it all together a lot more than I do!
Ha! Sounds like it really is the people we hang out with. 🙂
That said, I think there’s a slight difference between routine and predictability – and ritual. Maybe I should have differentiated a bit more in the post. I’m thinking of rituals more as the little things in our lives that we savor, not necessarily the trips to the grocery store. (Although I admit I am pretty fond of my trips to Trader Joe’s!) Fun food for thought.
Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful comment, lady!
Amen! I think a while ago you commented on my post where I got to go to Panera and read my book. I seriously value that time. I remember at first thinking it was lame that I went to the same place almost everyday for lunch. But you’ve inspired me to realize it is okay!
Yes, I remember that! Own it, girl! 😉
It’s no secret they say kids thrive with routines—I do too! I like spontaneity but it definitely has to be balanced with routine. That’s awesome you found a go-to spot for your rest and relaxation 🙂
We’re on the same wavelength again, Erica! I just wrote about the lessons I’ve learned in the nine years my husband and I have been married (today is our anniversary!), and one of them is that all the special romantic stuff you do as a new couple does disappear, but it’s okay because it gets replaced with routine, stability, rituals, predictability.
All of these things are AT LEAST as important to me as spontaneity. In fact, I think they’re more important! I’d rather have a husband who predictably comes home from work at 6 pm everyday than one who shows up with flowers once a week but might not arrive home in time to see the kids before bedtime.
Oh wow…love this. I needed to read this today. I adore being a mom. I have been at home from work for the past two weeks, on break, and I have had so much fun. But, I still feel like I haven’t had any time to myself. To rest, or read a book or to totally get finished with the organizing I was hoping to complete. I love this idea!