You know how sometimes what you think you’re doing and what you’re actually doing are two different things?
After I drafted my guest post for my friend Alana, at Sparrow + Grace, I sent it off to her and blissfully started out my day.
But then when my younger son was animatedly describing a recent conquest on some ipad app, I listened only well enough to give him a courtesy “good job, hon” at the end of his story. Then when the boys wanted me to referee their races in the hallway, I grabbed a notebook and started jotting down to-do’s, absently holding out my hand for them to slap as they ran past.
It only degenerated from there, until by the end of the day, I was pulling out my hair because those wilds of mine were preventing me from doing the things I really wanted and needed to do.
You see, between managing my building of 53 condos, writing this blog, and working on the early stages of another website (more details to come, eventually!), I completely forgot what I really want. As my busyness mounted, I had begun to think that what I wanted was to pursue my interests and to carry out my more official responsibilities.
But that night, after all three munchkins were breathing deeply in their little beds, I remembered—with a little help from the Lord—that that isn’t actually what I want.
I want to be here for them. To look in. Just like I wrote about in my guest post.
And that’s when I knew it was time to set a few balls down. Limit my computer time; enhance my play time. Think less about choosing just the right title and more about choosing just the right bedtime story.
In spite of how I titled this post, I didn’t send any balls crashing to the ground. My days are long, and I still have time to follow my dreams. I’m just being more careful to set a ball down when my children need me and pick it back up when it won’t interfere.
That said, I do still let them see me work. I think it gives them a more accurate picture of me (and of life!), but I’m trying harder to keep it in check. I’m being more aware of what my actions are saying to my children, and I’m reminding myself continually of what I actually want. Because sometimes it’s easy to forget.
What are your hobbies, jobs, and personal interests? Do you struggle to balance them with your role as a mom?
{image source} All linked up with Grace at Home.
Thanks for the reminder Erica! Sometimes I too forget that it’s in those small moments with our children that we are making the biggest impact on their lives.
I’ve definitely been struggling with this, now that we’ve added Baby J to the family. I was lamenting to a friend that if I spent my entire day devoted entirely to childcare (no housework, blogging, phone calls, etc.), I could probably provide both girls with enough attention, taking into account that big sister is extremely needy right now. But…I would probably go bonkers. I need a little time to think like an adult during the day, too.
When I’m feeling guilty about how much I expect A to play on her own, I remind myself of that book “Why French Parents Are Superior,” in which the author describes that French parents don’t see themselves as the child’s playmate, and kids are expected to play on their own and with their peers. I think it’s good for A to be able to entertain herself, but I do notice that on days when I’ve really taken advantage of her ability to do so, she tends to act out toward the end of the day, surely to get my attention.
Again, it’s hard to find the right balance, but like you, I try to remind myself periodically of why I’m really staying home: for the kids.
Yes, Evanthia! When I say “look in,” I’m really referring to my home in general. I do not have the stamina to play with my kids all the time, and I really rely heavily on my boys playing with each other (instead of me). But I try to listen to their stories, involve them in my housework and meal prep, etc. I think children learning to entertain themselves some is essential! Both for them and for mom. 🙂
All that really matters is that we keep checking ourselves and making sure our hearts are in the right place. Thanks so much for the thoughtful (and thought-provoking!) comment!
Love it! I’ve been working on this myself lately. It’s hard with a new one- time and energy are so limited! But, I’ve been running your motto through my head the past few days. My favorite thing about my life right now is being a mom. I want to spend more time focusing on that rather than checking my email (empty anyways) 50 times a day. I’ll still check, just maybe not as often 🙂
I know. I think things like checking email and social media—or whatever it may be—just keep us sane. 🙂 You’re a wonderful mom!
I’m emailing you right now, btw! So feel free to check your email! haha
I struggle with this, too, my friend. So much! I’m definitely with you about letting children see their mama working from time to time because it is leading by example; they’re seeing us follow our dreams and be the kind of helpmeet that we want them to either be or have for a spouse. I know many people make it a rule not to work when their kiddos are awake and I’ve even made that rule myself, but I don’t know that I wholeheartedly agree yet… I agree with the idea behind it, yet I don’t think it’s healthy for my son to always have my undivided attention or to never put work ahead of him. It’s just one big balancing act, isn’t it?
P.S. Thanks for the link back to your guest post. It’s one of my favorite “Her Bliss” posts thus far.
Hubby was just asking me yesterday if I would ever consider homeschooling. I think the bottom line came down to me not having enough time to devote to that and taking care of the other kids and trying to keep my sanity. I just don’t think it’d ever work for me unless my kids were older and more independent. I’d like to stay sane please. 🙂
Yes, I will take sanity over anything! haha. I’m amazed with moms who homeschool, but I’m sure that I wouldn’t be able to cut it. I need to much space & quiet, which is exactly why having toddler boys gives me a run for my money! Hope you’re feeling well and getting a tiiiny bit of sleep?!
Being an educated, thoughtful mother will be a huge blessing to your sweet family. You inspire me! Thanks!
Just wanted I needed to hear today Erica! Nothing compares to sweet moments with my son!