When I first set out to begin writing, I had one goal in mind. That goal was to help people just like myself find more joy and enthusiasm in who they are and what their life consists of right now. We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can learn to better embrace where we’re at, and that’s what inspired my last post here on The Life on Purpose Movement: 21 Ways to Celebrate Who You Are Right Now.
I thought I had dished out something that would really resonate, and I think I accomplished that. But what I wasn’t expecting was to be inspired in return. Following that post, I received so many profound comments, and there seemed to be an obvious theme.
Most of those comments stemmed from one point on the list:
“14. Question your inner critic. (Push those negative voices aside! They speak a lot of untruth.)”
In response, we heard—
“I love all twenty-one, but number 14 is a must for everyone!”
“I do struggle with questioning my inner critic. What are some suggestions you have for setting internal negative voices aside?”
“The most powerful point of these for me is to question/talk back to my inner critic. (Out loud if necessary.) I speak truth over myself like I might a sister or close friend….This does not mean that my mean inner critic doesn’t still show up for coffee, but I am far quicker to put her in her place, lovingly but firmly. xo”
After those beautiful comments, I wanted to come up with a GREAT follow-up post. Perhaps, X Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt—or something to that effect. I had awhile to do some research, maybe try out a few techniques myself, and see how they worked in regards to my own self-doubt.
But I was overshooting. I was missing something much more important than that, and it was this:
You’re not alone in your self-doubt.
Can I be completely transparent today? Self-doubt is one of my biggest obstacles. Most of the time I bottle it up. I get dressed each morning, put on my eyeliner and mascara, and wear a smile that says: “I’m good!” But one consequence of that “pretending” is that it leads the negative voice in my head to say something even worse: “You’re the only one who feels this way.”
Feeling insecure is terrible, but feeling alone is even worse.
However, that post provided evidence of this:
We all struggle with self-doubt.
Can I say that? Yes! I’m going to. We all struggle with self-doubt. It may vary in degree, but I believe it is inside each of us.
I personally worry too much about what others think of me. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I’m getting better with it, but that voice may always be mine. Yours might look a little different, but…
You’re not alone. Maybe that simple phrase is enough to keep us all going—and help dim that inner critic just enough.
Let’s find strength in each other.
Have you ever been to a friend’s house and found some comfort in the messes strung about, the imperfectly clean bathroom, or the sticky floor? I personally find a quiet respect for the person who doesn’t have it all together—because she is just like me.
We all have messes on the inside and out. Let’s stop pretending that we don’t.
So this is my message to you today:
If you worry that you’re not good enough, not talented enough, not beautiful enough, think about where those voices are coming from, and most importantly, realize that you’re not alone. Perhaps if we try that out, we’ll be better able to listen to the other voice. The voice that tells us we are good enough.
What are your thoughts on self-doubt? Are there certain areas in your life where you have more of it? Your parenting, your body image, your marriage, etc.?
Anything goes! I obviously enjoyed your comments from my last post, so keep them coming. 😉
A home that can be “messy” and still comforting is the goal of many designers…us included. There is a perfect LBD for everyone!-Laurel Bledsoe
I love that Laurel! Messy, but still comforting! There definitely needs to be a gentle balance.
As I read your post I thought, “I’m pretty confident most of the time, this isn’t one of my biggest issues.” Then you mentioned worrying about what others think about you. I never thought of that as being my inner critic talking but it totally is, and I’m horrible about it. I have a terrible time in social situations because I always assume people are judging me. I’m good with me… Until you bring other people in the mix and then I’m questioning myself like crazy. Thanks for this perspective, maybe putting a new name to it will help me quell my social anxiety!
Yes! Comparison is tough! I’d say I’m a lot like you. If I never had to leave my house I’d be really good with me! 😉 And that says something in a positive way, we just gotta be careful of the comparison trap for sure! Loved this comment! XO
Every once in a while I feel like a really crappy mom/ wife, usually when the house is a mess and the kids have been extra cranky.. and in return I’ve been extra cranky. I doubt my ability to do it all, and as I talk to Jordan he reminds me I don’t have to do it all. I have him to help! And he usually helps clean up the house while I pitty myself for a few more minutes. Then I think of all my blessings and remember most moms with a 3 and 1 year old have bad days too.. and I feel better that I’m not alone! Thanks for the reminder!
It’s so good to not be alone! And we also gotta feel all those feels girl! Sounds like you’re right on track, and have a good guy to help with those ups and downs. <3
Amy, I love your writing! I can definitely relate to this, especially when it comes to being a mom. I’m constantly feeling like my kids deserve more from me. More time, more patience, more love, more freedom to just be a kid (messes and all). It’s not easy to take a step back and see that you might be doing an ok job after all. Thanks for the reminder!
Thank you Krystal. That means a lot! <3 And I love how you put that, "It's not easy to take a step back and see that you might be doing an ok job after all." We've got to take that step back every once in awhile. Thank YOU for that reminder.
Those negative voices in my mind have been way to vocal lately. Thanks for your advice to put them in their place. I’m going to scream “Liar, liar!!” (From The Princess Bride movie.). Thanks so much for your perspective & inspiration.
Your Princess Bride reference made me smile. I think that will be quite effective! 😉
Ha! Yes! Love that Joanie. I hope you’ve been doing that, and I hope that voice has been toning it down! Thanks for being here.
I really loved this post. Aren’t we all just so great at pretending. I just feel like what I have to offer has been done before and that there is no way I can make any impact on the world. I think my self doubt speaks to me in a ‘it’s been done before so why would you matter’ it’s so sad that we really are the only ones limiting our own reach.
Thanks for the company x
Ooh, I can so relate to that one—”it’s been done before so why would you matter.” Thanks for pointing that out; it’ll help me watch out for it better. (Thanks so much for reading, Allison!)