Marriage Diaries: Another Kind of Needy

Hi everyone! I’m thrilled to have Jessi of the Naptime Diaries here today, sharing one thing that has surprised and challenged her about marriage. I knew as soon as I thought up the Marriage Diaries that Jessi would be a great contributor (if I could rope her into it!). She is relatable and motivational, and she talks about what’s on her heart with honesty. (This sweet post of hers comes to mind.) Welcome, Jessi! 

Hello gals! I’m grateful to be sharing a bit of our marriage story today.

I have to say, in general – I’ve been incredibly surprised by marriage in beautiful and hard ways. I’ve been surprised by how selfish I am, surprised by how fun it is to have a partner in life. I’m surprised at what our life looks like and what our family looks like – none of those are things I ever saw coming.

But if I get really honest and quiet and raw, the thing that has surprised me most about marriage is how needy I am. If I look back, it makes sense. I am married to basically my high school boyfriend, got engaged at 19 and married at 20. I barely knew what it was like to be a teenager without my husband and we became adults together, walking hand in hand. I think I believed I was someone independent in our early years of marriage and I certainly struggled to figure out what it was like to blend our wills and desires, but I never ever saw myself as needy.

Now, I’m 29. We have four kids, a church plant, and a small business. All of these things, we do pretty much inextricably rooted to one another and the Lord. I don’t think that I mother without my husband as a father. I wouldn’t make it for a day as a pastor’s wife, if it wasn’t my husband at the helm of the church. Even though our business is technically in my name and I’m the designer, there’s no way I’d try my hand at entrepreneurial life for a second if he wasn’t by my side, guiding me and cheering me on. I am needy for him. I can’t do this life without him.

I think the term needy has gotten a bad rap and to some degree I get it. My marriage doesn’t determine my self-worth, it doesn’t make me who I am – because that is God’s job. My role as a wife doesn’t define whether or not I’m successful or good, so I don’t mean that I am needy in any of those ways. But I do very much mean that I am needy in that I’d rather be with my husband than not. I don’t see us as having two separate lives that occasionally line up. We are knit together, our days are dependent on one another, our family is a living and breathing organism that functions best when we’re both fully aware and attentive.

I know if something tragic happened and one of us was no longer alive, God would sustain and breathe life on our family. He’d knit us together in a new way and His glory would prevail over brokenness. But until that day comes, I’ll stay pleasantly surprised that I am needy and dependent on my husband.

Jessi Connolly is a blogger, speaker, author, and entrepreneur. She’s been blogging for ten years and is a mom to four kids. Her and her husband have just planted Gospel Community church in downtown Charleston. In 2011, they opened Naptime Diaries Shop, a scripture print shop aimed at writing scripture creatively on the walls of as many homes as possible. In 2012, she cofounded The Influence Conference and The Influence Network, an organization aimed at equipping creative christian women in the gospel and in strategic help for their pursuits. She also helped found SheReadsTruth, an international online women’s bible study. Her passions are God’s Word, her family, art, and encouraging women to live inspired, wild and free lives in Christ.