43 Hard Things Women Are Struggling With (You’re Not Alone!)

I have a friend who always seems like she has it together. (Maybe you have one too?)

She’s been this way for as long as I’ve known her—almost 15 years.

When we were in college, it seemed like juggling classes, work, and a social life came to her as easily as breathing. She had plans laid out for the following summer when the fall semester had only just begun, and after graduation, she pursued her career exactly the way she’d always planned.

Things just seemed to go her way.

I think everyone who knew her from afar would describe her like I just did. Her confidence, composure, and drive were intimidating, in a way.

But here’s the thing

But I knew her better than most. I knew that the sunshine that radiated from her was genuine; it wasn’t for show. At the same time, I knew about the insecurities that sometimes poked through all that confidence, and I loved her for it. (I still do!)

This friendship in my early adulthood helped me learn that there’s so much more to people than what we see from a distance. It’s still something I try to remind myself often.

This is what we all need to remember about the people around us

The ultra-fit woman you see every time you go to the gym, the always-volunteering mom you know at school, the peppy influencer you follow on Instagram… They have layers of sadness and joy, happiness and pain, exhaustion and energy that you will likely never see.

But it’s all still there.

For the last several years, I’ve sent every woman who joins my email list an email asking her to tell me what she’s struggling with. It helps me know how I can serve our tribe, and it gives you a reason to articulate your current struggles, which I think is always a worthwhile practice.

It’s an honor to hold space for so many of your stories, and it constantly reminds me of two things: (1) we all struggle, and (2) we need each other.

These are the words 43 real women (anonymized, of course) have sent to me in the last year:

43 Hard Things Women Are Struggling With—Right Now

1. “I struggle to feel worthy of good things.”
2. “What’s been on my mind is finding my purpose—and how to carry it out in everyday life.”
3. “Why am I so unhappy? Not always, but more than I feel like I should. I’m constantly rushed, always frustrated that my kids don’t listen. Drained.”
4. “I’m struggling to become the whole, open, and connected person I know I’m meant to be.”
5. “I am a ‘sensitive introvert’, which at best looks like a super-empathic-artistic-people-and-nature-lover, and at my worst leaves me neurotic, unstable, indecisive, overwhelmed, quiet. I want to look back on my life and say I took meaningful risks, reaped beautiful rewards, and shared them with people around me.”
6. “I have trouble focusing on the positive and seeing my own worth.”
7. “I see myself as damaged and not worthy of recognition or friendship.”
8. “I’m trying to reconcile with my husband, after twenty years of what has been mostly a platonic relationship.”
9. “I wish I didn’t have to deal with a lifetime struggle with anxiety and depression.”
10. “My parents are aging, my kids are all almost grown and, I think I’m supposed to be a grown-up by now.”
11. “My biggest struggle right now is learning to be authentic, to let go of others’ expectations and just be me.”
12. “My biggest struggle currently is that my family is over-programmed and over-extended.”
13. “I hit bottom when I started noticing the environment that I live in. I had piles of clothes and papers all over. We couldn’t see the surface of the table, and I had piles of STUFF all over the place. I was constantly confused, overwhelmed, and busy busy busy doing NOTHING because I was running around in circles all day.” {10 Clutter-Clearing Strategies that Will Gradually Make Your Life 100 Times Easier}
14. “Finding patience at the end of the day and staying calm with my kids.”
15. “The feeling of being overwhelmed.”
16. “Constant comparison.”
17. “I may only be in my forties, but I struggle with feeling like it’s over—my youth, my worth, my beauty, my energy. All of it.”
18. “I’m drowning in stuff.”
19. “I’m struggling to find meaningful support and community as a mom.”
20. “I am struggling with trusting my spouse. I don’t know where the fear and distrust comes from.”
21. “I’m really struggling with self-love and self-acceptance. And also a lot of guilt.”
22. “What is the point of life? I feel like I have fallen into a pit of quicksand (depression) and am tired of struggling.”
23. “Balancing motherhood with career and me time and somehow partner time, with no family nearby to help.”
24. “I’m struggling to not worry—about our finances, my husband’s health, our childcare situation, and more.”
25. “I always feel that I should be skinnier, have better skin, whiter teeth, etc.  It’s a never-ending cycle. And it all means nothing.”
26. “My second daughter was recently born stillborn at 37 weeks. It is a tough one to go through, but my 2-year-old is the energy that keeps us going.”
27. “I struggle to feel like what I do is enough. I have two kids, and I homeschool and stay home with them full time. How are other moms able to keep up with their kids and houses AND run businesses? These days it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to be doing something beyond just caring for your kids.”
28. “I’m struggling to fit in everything that feels important. I can work more if I don’t go to the gym, but then I feel worse. I can work more, but then my only kid-free time is spent working. I stay up until midnight trying to get quiet alone time, but then I’m tired because there’s not enough room for the sleep I need. It won’t fit.”
29. “I’m a perfectionist and an over-thinker, and it’s exhausting.”
30. “A year ago my husband of 35 years died. He was my best friend and I miss him terribly. I have been trying to fill the hole by shopping mindlessly, going out to eat alone, and drinking too much.”
31. “My heart says let the day job go, but the head says stay.”
32. “I’m always doubting my partner’s feelings, thinking that he’ll leave me or that he’d be happier without me.”
33. “Getting pregnant and staying that way.”
34. “We moved to a new city a year and a half ago. I still have not been able to find a job or make any friends. Many days I don’t leave the house.”
35. “I lost my husband five years ago. It has been a constant struggle to let go of who I was with him, and then to allow myself to become someone else.”
36. “I don’t know what to do with my life.”
37. “I realized I just sort of exist. I went through some rough times a few years ago… and I’ve never fully come back. I want to be more present in my life, to have a greater sense of peace and more joy.”
38. “I’m lost I am in in a loveless and emotionally abusive marriage of 28 years.”
39. “I’m afraid of carrying the cycle of emotional damage I received in my childhood on to my own kids.”
40. “I want to be loving and present with my kids and teach them from the best parts of my soul, but the anxious and frazzled parts of me seem to bubble over more than not.” {Maybe You’re Not Meant to “Get Through” Your Life}
41. “I’m struggling to start each day. Just getting out of bed is a problem.”
42. “I used to love my job and now I hate it.”
43. “I’m struggling to find my purpose in a new stage of life.”

The next time you’re tempted to believe that everyone—whether on social media or in real life—has it together but you, remember this: we’re all struggling, and you are not alone.

“We get to the beauty through the brutal. Not over or around or under but straight through. We do not ignore each other’s pain—we help carry it.” Glennon Doyle

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If you’d like the opportunity to articulate what you’re struggling with in this season of your life (it’s shockingly helpful to put words to it), sign up below, and in the next couple of days, you’ll get that email from me and have a chance to reply privately. You’ll also get this free, meaningful resource just for subscribers—