I was nursing at a park the other day when my friend who also has a newborn came and sat beside me. She joked right away about how she doesn’t particularly like nursing, and I burst into a smile! In my experience, it’s not often that women voice that admission.
I’m in the same camp as my friend. Of course I cherish the closeness I’ve shared with my children through nursing them. If you have nursed a baby, you know about those moments when the house is still and your baby wraps her tiny fingers around one of yours while she nurses. The rest of the world loses focus, and it is just you and your baby. Those plump cheeks and fine hair, those long fingernails and miniature toes. It is beautiful.
But the reality is that there are a lot of other moments too. Like when you are so sore you’re not sure you will get through the next nursing session. Or when your toddlers are running wild around you and there is not a thing you can do, because you’re nursing. Again.
I know I don’t need to sing the benefits of breastfeeding to you. I agree with them! Regardless, nursing doesn’t come naturally to all of us, and all we can offer is our best. We can’t measure our success as mothers by our level of success with breastfeeding—or by how much we enjoyed it. Not liking every minute does not make you less; it makes you human.
-
You wonder constantly if you’re doing it right. Is the baby latching properly? Is she getting enough milk? Are you feeding often enough? Should you do both breasts each session or drain one per session?? The insecurity!
-
You are not a fan of sore nipples, engorgement, leaking, or that nasty yeast infection. (Who is?)
-
You’ve discovered you have a new full-time job: breastfeeding. You clock so many hours sitting on your tush that you begin to notice that your sofa sinks deeper in that spot where you always sit for nursing sessions.
-
You cannot figure out how to keep your older children entertained while you nurse around the clock. You feel guilty about how much TV they’re watching for that reason . . .
-
You don’t like feeling like you’re being chewed on all the time. (Again, who would?!)
-
You feel tied down, committed to the clock. Especially if your baby won’t take a bottle, you can’t be away from him for more than a few hours.
-
You are more comfortable nursing at home than in public, which ties you not only to the clock but to the house.
-
You feel like no matter how you position that baby, you cannot fully straighten your back. The backache wears you down!
-
You wish to high heaven that you could let that baby sleep! But to ensure good supply and proper weight gain, your pediatrician has encouraged you to wake him up every three or four hours.
-
At risk of sounding crude, pumping makes you feel like a milkcow. (Right?!) And if you have other children or need to pump at work, it can be hard to find a private space and a quiet minute for it.
-
You’re drowning in all the water you drink to maintain supply, and you are hungry all the time!
-
You miss your old bras. Finding a good nursing bra is as hard as finding that long-lost sippy cup somewhere in your house. Maybe harder.
If you haven’t yet nursed a child and I just struck fear into your heart, please know that many of these complaints dissipate after the first two or three months. As your baby grows and drops a feeding here and there, I would bet you’ll find yourself enjoying it more. You’ll establish a rhythm that you’re comfortable with, and those beautiful moments where you connect with your baby will start to stand taller in your memory.
I love those moments. I’m nostalgic for them. I wish I had taken pictures of me nursing each of my babies, especially because for us, it never lasted more than a few months. But I’m also perfectly comfortable saying that it was a challenge for me.
I don’t intend for this to be a discussion of how much you should sacrifice to make nursing work for you or how long you should keep it up. I simply hope for this post to be a place where women can find common ground, even if it is as simple as a distaste for nursing bras. 🙂
What was your experience? Did the challenges of nursing surprise you? Did I miss any complaints?
To read more about my breastfeeding experience with all three babies, check out my guest post at the Girl in the Red Shoes.
I am really grateful I nursed my children – though I agree, it’s not without its challenges! The longer I did it, it felt like less of a burden and the more it meant to me, especially once I got through the first couple months.
One thing that did help me a TON was visiting with a lactation consultant with each baby. With my first, he was a newborn and was losing weight and the Dr. said I was going to have to switch to formula. The lactation consultant calmed my fears and helped me get a latch that worked for us, and because of her help, I was able to nurse my baby instead of giving him formula. With my second, I was still nervous that he wasn’t getting enough milk from me, and went in for help, but it mostly was for reassurance and encouragement, and it helped too. I would strongly recommend that any mother frustrated or discouraged with nursing visit a lactation consultant!
Additionally, I HATE FINDING NURSING BRAS. They are so much money and most of them stink. I wish Victoria’s Secret would release some of their basic bras in a nursing version. I would pay $40 for that in a heartbeat!
Thanks, Alison! I wish I had done that with the boys, for sure! But I looked into it and here in CA it costs a lot of money to see a lactation consultant. (Like hundreds of dollars! Was it cheaper for you in Utah?) Anyway, the lactation consultant in the hospital always said my baby was latching well, so I figured he still was, even a month or two later, when I was still struggling. I should totally have gone in, because maybe his latch had changed! Who knows! Anyway, that’s great advice!
Victoria’s Secret used to make nursing bras! My friend bought a couple several years ago and LOVED them. We both commiserate all the time on the fact that they don’t make them anymore. 🙂 Darn it!
With my first I dreaded nursing. We struggled like everyone else and I was ready to give up that first week with all the pain and a bad latch. My life revolved around nursing and I’d count down the minutes until I had to nurse again.
I can honestly say it was easier with the second. Sure, I had the initial pain but he seemed to get it better. Even though he nursed every two hours I didn’t feel as stuck as I did before. Maybe it was the experience, being more comfortable nursing away from home, or maybe he was just a better nurser, but it did get better.
Here’s to hoping the third goes even better! (And longer than 2 hour stints!)
I’m glad you wrote this! I’m am 100% pro nursing but man it really sucks most of the time!
Ah Liz, I love you for your last line! You crack me up. I’ll cross my fingers that your third is even smoother sailing!
This brings me back to so many memories of nursing Sierra in those early days. It was pretty much awful and I wanted to give up. I can totally relate! (And I can’t even imagine compounding all that with other toddlers running around.)
Nursing is SO emotional, and especially in the beginning. Why does something that is supposed to be so wonderful and perfect take SO much work, pain and exhaustion in the beginning? No wonder so many people have a hard time with it! But I guess you’re right that those memories are quickly erased as your baby grows older, you’re not as sore, not nursing so constantly, get into a routine, and everything gets easier. Everything gets easier with time (at least, nursing did for me). And I think because of that, a lot of people idealize and put nursing on a pedestal! Nursing is wonderful, its true, but you can’t deny that it can be a challenge…and its too easy to forget those early days! So its good to be prepared for them, I guess. And to accept that your success or failure with breastfeeding doesn’t mean anything when it comes to being a mom!
Anyway. I liked this post. Thanks for sharing and helping us remember that nursing isn’t always the piece of cake its supposed to be! And that’s ok!
Thank you, thank you, Rach! Yeah, nursing really is a JOB, isn’t it? I’m SO happy that you and Sierra got to such a nice place, even after an exhausting start. Love you!
Totally agree! It’s nice to hear someone talk about more than just the incredible bonding experience. It sure is wonderful but also a HUGE pain in the butt. Henry probably watched 6 hours of tv a day those first few months with Charlie.
I didn’t find a nursing bra I liked until Charlie, but I totally LOVE the Le Mystere nursing bra. Nordstrom carries it and its super cute and comfortable. Totally worth every cent I spent on it. I could talk about it all day! It seriously made the 12 months easier.
Love this. Everyone is so different in their nursing ability, be it mentally or physically. I am NOT one of those magical women who can nurse hands-free in any ol’ place – it’s a production. I am tied to not only my house, but my lazyboy and nursing pillow. (I never had the hunched back problem, but I sit cross-legged and use pillows to get that baby Hugh enough I don’t have to bend over). With said position, moving to intercept the other children is such a pain that I let them run wild and iPad addictions have occurred. Oh well. Also, my body gives up around 6 months. With #3 I vowed to push through it and pump and eat and do anything possible to nurse the ideal 12 months, but after 2 weeks of eating everything in sight and gaining weight & feeling gross + pumping tons but outputting very little, I decided this is ME – my body won’t go 12 months. I still feel a little guilty over it but oh well – I know I did my best. Why breast feeding has to be so guilt-laden a topic is beyond me, thank you for attempting to write something different than the rose-colored norm!
I have *zero* experience breastfeeding. Like, never even gave it a shot with my first. Do I regret it? Not really. I had my reasons and praise the Lord, my son is as healthy as can be. However, I have always said that I want to at least give it a shot with future children {if/when the Lord decides to give them to us}. And, no, this post didn’t scare me away from trying. I appreciate the realistic view. Honestly, I’d rather expect the worst and either be pleasantly surprised or at least, prepared. This does remind me of the reality that anything worth doing is going to be difficult. So thank you for not sugar-coating your breastfeeding journey, pretending it is the easiest, most enjoyable thing ever. I applaud your honesty.
Thank you, Alana! I think the choice you make and your confidence in it is awesome. We all have to do what is best for the entire family, and sometimes that isn’t breastfeeding. A happy mom is a happy home! And if you do decide to nurse your next baby, you will definitely be prepared with the whole story! 🙂
I can do relate to this post, especially #12! And I hate pumping. It’s the worst part of the whole thing to me.
You forgot #13–The size of the “girls” is so big that you feel like a freak of nature and can’t even find nursing bras (or even regular bras) in your size. :/ I’ve found that it only takes about 10 minutes to convert a regular bra into a nursing bra, though. I wish I would have discovered this years ago! Also, I’ve heard that Nordstroms will convert bras for about $10. 🙂 I’m ready to be done breastfeeding for good, but trying to enjoy it now because this is my last, and I’m sure I will miss some aspects of it (the bonding, excuses to get out of doing work, and being able to eat 2000+ calories a day without gaining weight).
Oh my goodness, you are hilarious! Yes, that should totally be #13! Honestly, my milk production has always been small enough that I don’t get super crazy huge. 🙂 Guess that’s why I didn’t think to add it! But for a ton of women, huge girls is a big problem! And man, the fact that you can convert a nursing bra or have Nordstrom do it is good information! I am totally going to pass that along when I’m chatting with girlfriends in the future. Thanks!
One of the things I look forward to being done with nursing is so that I can go out in public in any outfit I want without having to think, “Will I have to nurse while I am out and is this shirt/dress…easy enough to nurse in?” I put so many dresses away while nursing because there is no modest way I would be able to nurse if I wore it and I find that a very annoying part of nursing. 🙂
I absolutely loved nursing my daughter! I already miscarried a few times before I was able to have my daughter. She truly was a miracle baby! I did get to a point where she had “sawed” a large slit in my nipple! The doc said if he stitched it I would have to quit nursing. It was so painful! My doc said to just keep nursing & it would heal on it’s own. He was right, it did. But not without me getting engorged as well! Oh the pain of that as well! Anyway, I was so very determined to nurse my sweet little baby that I continued to do so. I started nursing her only at bedtime after her first birthday. I quit nursing her the day she turned two. It was a very sad day for me. The special comfort & closeness of my child during those times was very precious.
I had enough milk that I donated regularly to the neonatal unit at the hospital for preemies. That made me feel so good to do that.
I even nursed my girlfriends baby when I baby sat him. She said go for it so I did.
I finally figured out I must have been born in the wrong time. I could’ve been a “mammy” that nursed everyone’s babies for them! I would have loved it!
Please don’t think I’m weird.
Haha, Debbie – I definitely don’t think you’re weird. You are just one of those people who really caught the vision of nursing. The connection and tenderness of it. That’s so sweet. Sending love your way!
Plus I think it is so awesome that you were able to donate to the neonatal unit!! How special!
I LOVED this post and so agree with how hard breastfeeding can be. I had a somewhat similar approach in my post today as well!
I’m such an advocate for breastfeeding but I always try to make it clear that it’s not a walk in the park for everyone (especially in the beginning). I felt like I went through every possible challenge a breastfeeding mother could face and somehow we’re still going strong after 14 months. Have I loved every moment? NO! But I’m glad I gave it an honest try because eventually it did get better!
P.S. I love #3. I’ve been wondering about the sink-hole forming in one of our couches and it hit me when I read this post that I’ve created it since it’s the spot where I sit to nurse! Hilarious!!!
SO funny that you realized that about your sofa after reading this! Thanks for commenting, Nicole!
Love this! Particularly the sunken in couch and not being able to straighten your back. I think I have a permanent hunch back! I basically sat on the couch for the first 3 months of their lives feeding and pumping. Ugh.
I’m currently breastfeeding 7 month old twins. It took months of practice and figuring it out, but we finally have a system down and I’m SO glad I was stubborn enough to stick with it! Good post.
Inspiring thoughts—- oh the things we do for our children! Happy Mothers Day!
Oh Erica! We were SO on the same wavelength when my boys were babies!
I remember when I went to baby classes for my first born almost 9 years ago. If the class was 60 minutes long – only about 2 minutes were spent on preparing us for breasfeeding. That in and of itself, sets mothers up for failure. Now…they did offer a breastfeeding class, but I thought I could handle the whole breastfeeding on my own. It “comes naturally” to all new mothers after all, right? Wrong.
To make my situation worse, I struggled with a (very real) low milk supply. After my first son was born, and within a week of “nursing”, I had to him to the ER for dehydration since my milk hadn’t come in. I still feel angry to think about all of the nurses who told me he was getting what he needed and not to give him supplemental formula or it would cause nipple confusion! I remember how quickly he sucked down the bottle the nurse gave him and how terrible of a mother I felt because he was so terribly hungry.
After lactation visits, supplements, ANYTHING to get my baby to nurse (x3), all I could do was pump pump pump for 30-60 minutes (yes, every three hours sometimes in desperation for the liquid gold), and pray that my babies drank the 1-3 oz I was able to produce in a sitting, without someone spitting it up or me accidentally spilling it in the middle of the night. Breastfeeding should come with a disclaimer that it doesn’t always come easy! Thankfully, the truth is that most women do have a great milk supply, and only need to seek out those lactation specialists to get you on the track for success!
Thanks, Erica, for this honest post, and for letting me share my story. I hope your third experience has been a great one! She’s so cute 🙂
After talking with you today at the park, I realized I hadn’t looked at your blog in a while. I’m glad I saw this post. Nursing was so hard for me in the beginning! Henry has a lip tie so it made me crack and bleed and I would cry every time he nursed. It was painful for two months for me. And now he bites all of the time. I do love the quiet, tender moments that come with it, but if I weren’t so cheap, Henry would probably be formula-fed. There have been many times I’ve wanted to give up.