I hope you enjoy today’s Marriage Diaries post by Jessi from Hopes and Dreams. She has an upbeat attitude about her own marriage and marriage in general, and I bet many of you will relate to her words. Thanks, Jessi!
My name is Jessi and I blog over at Hopes and Dreams about my little family and what’s important to us. I am so honored to be included among the amazing women who have been posting in the Marriage Diaries. Healthy marriage and family relationships are so important. They are the most important, really. And it’s a topic that I have dedicated years and money into studying, it being one of my very favorite things to discuss and teach. I am no expert, but I did receive a university degree in how to develop and maintain healthy communication in family relationships. Additionally, I’ve studied the “science behind the love life” for years, focusing on healthy single life mentality all the way to marriage and children (check out my continuing “Love Life Series” on my blog –here-).
Now, my marriage isn’t perfect, but it sure is rock solid. Not because my husband and I are fantastic communicators with each other, and not even because we are perfect for each other. It’s because we know what it takes to keep a marriage sacred and we work on it every single day. You do not need to have a degree in Intimate Relational Communication to have a healthy marriage, by any means. You both just need to be willing to learn a few things to improve interactions with your spouse and you both need to be willing to work on it every day. It may sound like a lot of……work? But it’s when we work on our marriages that they are the most blissful. I believe that marriage was intended to be important enough to be willing to work for.
While I could discuss this topic all the live long day, and while I’d LOVE to share my husband’s and my love story, I’ve decided to simplify my contribution to the Marriage Diaries to answering two of the questions I get asked the most.
The first one:
What is the most detrimental thing to a marriage?
My answer:
Resentment.
Do everything you can to prevent it. It’s the one thing that kills the overriding feeling of affection in marriage. As imperfect people we can do a lot of things to make each other angry in our marriages, but as long as there is the overriding feeling of affection, we always forgive. It’s when resentment sets in that we are less motivated to forgive and work on our marriages. It’s not past the point of no return, but it is certainly the gateway to it. The solution to feelings of resentment solidifying is to simply and maturely discuss openly and affectionately with our partner the things that are concerning us. And if we are working on our marriages every day, it shouldn’t ever get too far gone to feel like we cannot do that. Proactive spousing is the key.
The next question I get all the time:
What is the principle that has helped your marriage the most?
My answer:
Friendship.
It may not be an “official” love language, but I would submit that it is the most important one. At least to me it is. Friendship in marriage strengthens every other aspect of marriage and makes every other aspect of marriage more satisfying. Studies have shown that both men and women feel this way. Solid friendship in marriage enhances all the other love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, physical touch and service). Friendship in my marriage has helped me feel more secure, more confident, and more excited about being with my husband forever. Again, friendship is something we need to work on every day, though. Especially when our marriages are good. This is an important concept: If we do not invest in our marriages when they are good, why would we be motivated to invest in them when they are struggling?
I’m going to write that again:
If we do not invest in our marriages when they are good, why would we be motivated to invest in them when they are struggling?
It’s investing in them every day that prevents resentment and strengthens friendship. Investing in our marriages is reinforcing the sacredness of them. When we treat our marriages sacredly, they become sacred to us. Marriage becomes what God intended marriage to be.
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Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d love to have you join the fun over at Hopes and Dreams! I’m by far the least exciting one in my family, so head over there to get to know my hilarious babies and amazing husband, John.
Links to some of my other posts:
Our Love Story
How To Let Your Marriage Burn
Honest Work in Marriage
Some Thoughts on Marriage
The Single Life
Getting the Guy
The Dating Scene
Once You’ve Got the Guy
some thoughts on healing after a bad breakup
Linked up with Grace at Home.
a great formula for a solid union. thank you for sharing – this was beautiful.
Thanks for the kind words, Ann! Jessi is such a fun AND heartfelt blogger! (Another winning formula! 🙂
Ann and Erica, you two are so sweet! What a great community you have here, Erica! Thanks again for letting me crash the party today!
Jessi
Erica- I feel like every time I read a marriage diaries post I think it’s my favorite and then the next one comes along! I love this community of women that believe in marriage and also believe in strengthening marriage. Jessi, I love your suggestions and just the basic reminder to work on my marriage. Can’t wait to check out your blog 🙂
Jules! You are darling! I know, isn’t Erica amazing for instituting such an awesome community? There are tons of craft and parenting blogs, but not a ton marriage blogs. And, hello, there is nothing more important that a healthy marriage and family life! Thanks for commenting!!