If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m a bit of a realist when it comes to love. Hopefully you can still like me in spite of this. 🙂
In January, when I posted 8Â chalkboard quotes on love, I mentioned that when looking for the quotes, I came across plenty that I disagree with. I thought today I’d share three, as well as why I wouldn’t teach these concepts to my kids.
1. “A man truly loves you when missing you is his hobby…making you happy is his duty…And loving you is his life.” Let’s just say I immediately unsubscribed from the source that promoted this quote. I don’t want my daughter to think that her mere existence will make her husband’s world go around. I hope to instead teach her that no amount of external factors (affection, admiration, etc.) can ever truly satisfy someone whose internal compass does not point to joy.
2. “Don’t marry the person you can live with; marry the only individual you can’t live without.” OH MY HEAVENS, imagine if every parent gave their teenager this advice. Everyone would end up with the heartthrob / bad boy! On a different note, I turned down a lot of dates in college based on the assumption that I could live without that guy. Maybe I didn’t find him attractive enough…or I thought his major was weird. So I passed. While I’m obviously extremely grateful for who I did end up with, I hope to teach my children that love can grow on you—surprise you—and that finding someone you CAN live with is important, too.
3. “I married someone who…Loves me without restriction. Trusts me without fear. Wants me without demand. Accepts me for who I am.” All my life I heard the idea of finding someone who accepts you for who you are. But once you’re married, you quickly experience the tightrope act of wanting someone to change and loving them as they are. As long as you’re human, you are going to come up against characteristics in your spouse that you would like to see them change. Also, marrying someone means pledging to love that person’s future self—a total unknown to both of you—not just the person they are now.
* Although two of the memes come from the Happy Wives Club, I really do appreciate Fawn’s mission. I just happened to come across these and had a thing or two to say about them. 🙂Â
Oh man, I agree. While I love the glamorized, romantic quotes about love, its true that they just aren’t always reality. I can’t imagine living my life expecting my husband’s hobby and whole existence to be about me! That would be a pretty miserable expectation to have.
Aaah, number 1. I had that expectation of an ex-boyfriend. And number 2 . . . the only individual you can’t live with that? Phew, no pressure there. 😉 I kid you not, I walked down the AISLE wondering if I was marrying the “right” man. Not because I doubted him, but because I doubted myself and I couldn’t shake off all of the worldly “you’ll just KNOW he’s the right guy.” To be fair, I was also deliriously happy on my wedding day lol but I can’t say that I didn’t wonder if I would regret making those vows (I haven’t). 🙂
I loved this, Claire. It was such an honest reflection – sharing that you felt the tug between what you expected love to be and what you actually experienced it to be. I’m with you!
I want my children to pick spouses who are worthy of their love. Teaching them how to do this is not easy because the truth is I just got very very lucky.
Haha, definitely, Ann! I know what you mean. Teaching them about love and romance and judgment is kind of a mind-blowingly large task. 🙂 I’m going to try my hardest, but I think I’ll pray that my kids get a big ol’ dose of luck too. 🙂
My number two, while he left me completely twitterpated, is now an addict living on the streets. My husband and I sometimes wondered if we shouldn’t have been more enraptured by each other’s presence, but our compatibility is what keeps us together and makes us happy.
Ha! I don’t think you could have illustrated my point any better. 🙂 Glad you didn’t end up on the streets with him!
I completely agree with these, especially #1. I hope that my marriage is an example of love, compromise, and among other things, respect for one another. I want my kids to see that my husband and I not only love each other but that we also respect one another and enjoy being around each other. While it is a cheesy quote as well, I do believe in the idea of marrying your best friend. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on these quotes, you made me smile this morning! 🙂
Oh Lord knows I’m a sucker for a good love quote, but I hear you on these ones. Loving unconditionally vs. ”loving as I am”. I will still love you even though I can’t stand that part of you that is making me nutty…let’s work on that m’kay? And there are lots of men/people you think you can’t live without…until you try and see that life is much happier without them 😉 Great read!