Marriage Maintenance

What is better than a wedding?? After I first got married, I was SAD at the talk of other people’s weddings, because I knew I’d never get to plan my own again. Six years later, I am way over that and am honored and delighted at any chance I have to celebrate the union of another couple. A wedding is so full of hope and trust as we watch the bride and groom wholly commit themselves to a tremendous unknown. A wedding is forward looking for that couple, but for most of the married participants, I’m sure it spurs a lot of reflection.

Practically anyone who knows me well has heard me joke openly (and regularly!) about my and Ryan’s many differences. In many ways, I consider us opposites. He has little need for sympathy or inclination to give it; I seem to need it in droves! He is strongly independent; I have more self-doubt and prefer to stick close to my loved ones. He likes to make goals for us as a couple or a family; I bristle at having someone suggest a goal for me—even when I know it is spot on! He wants to kayak or hike; I want to shop or dine out.

In fact, I used to ask God why He let me marry someone so different from me.

But during year four of our marriage, right after I had our second baby, I saw a therapist and learned to understand my husband—and myself—better. By our fifth anniversary, I found myself holding hands with him across a table, with a candle-lighted creme brulee between us and my eyes filling with tears at the thought of how far we’d come. I love that man—I always have, even when I didn’t understand how he could think so differently than I did. Barely a day passes now without me thanking the Lord for how far we’ve come and how good it feels to be here.

Hopefully there will be much more marriage maintenance to come on on this little blog! Relationships, after all, are one of my very favorite topics.

  • Kendall
    February 8, 2012 at 12:34 am

    I feel so cheesy saying this, but your words were beautiful. Thanks for sharing! I can't wait to hear more. 🙂

  • Mary B
    February 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    You're right… It's important to take a step back and see the good that comes from the differences in personalities in a relationship. Tom and I are celebrating 10 years together this month and it's crazy to look back and see how far we've come in our interactions. Thx for the reminder!

  • Erica {let why lead}
    February 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Hard to believe it has been ten years! Congrats!

    Thank goodness communication improves with time for most of us!

  • Layla
    February 18, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Therapy is the best! I love how it sometimes take a neutral third party to help you see the whole picture.

  • Erica {let why lead}
    February 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Agreed! Go us! haha

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